One thing I Love About Summerland

So here I am in SUmmerland visiting for 2 weeks. We have been really busy so far and loving seeing everyone. Jen- it's true... when you live here your whole lives I think you grow acustom to that beautiful lake view, but it brought me to tears when I drove down Summerland hill for the first time the other day! But thus is not the reason why I post this blog. Last night was a really rough night for my little Lily flower. She must be teething because nothing would settle her. Finally around 1:30am, I ran to MAX and got some Baby Tylenol (no natural products available at that time of day). I must have ran out of the house so fast because I forgot my wallet and when I realised (at the counter holding that magical potion that would ease my babies pain) I was so upset (truthfully I was almost crying). The clerk said then, I could take it and come back and pay in the morning. My hero in the night. One real reason why I love the small town life.

The Purpose for Waiting...

I thought I would share a little bit about why we are waiting a while before making our decision to move back to Summerland or not. The major reason has nothing to do with 'sticking to our plan to move out here' or 'giving up too soon' or anything like that. It has nothing to do with building a house or not, or even being closer to family. The reason we wait is that we are waiting for God to show us his will. Some of my readers may find this hoakey and others may be able to empathize with it, but here is our story.

When Dana and I decided to move out here, there were many reasons that rationalized the decision for us. It is cheaper to live out here, a fresh beginning, strengthening our family, and distancing ourselves to find ourselves, but truly we have always felt that our move out here has been a leap of faith. That was further confirmed when we started attending Rosewood Alliance Church and found a different kind of family. Attending this church, opportunities have been opened to us that we never had before. Ministering, sharing our talents, and deepening our faith. We have always felt that God led us to Regina for a purpose.

Now, as we discuss moving back to Summerland, we not only consider things like finances, jobs, and family, but we majorly need to try and follow 'God's Will' for our lives. I am sharing this because I have never been one to seriously consider this. Of course, being a Christian, you believe that God has a plan for you and that you should follow it. But so often we pray and then ultimately make the decision on our own. I don't want to do that this time. So I have been praying yes, but also reading. Reading the Bible, seeking its wisdom. Reading recommended books by our pastor. Reading articles that discuss Finding God's Will. And praying some more. Another thing that two people have independently suggested is sending a fleece to God. Not a sweater..... but a condition. I know that sounds harsh, but I have been told that when you feel so lost and confused and need to make a decision. Sending a fleece is an option. My girlfriend said that when she was contemplating moving, she told God that she needed three things to happen in order for her to know that it was His Will. She needed a job that fulfilled certain requirements (part time on weekends and one day during the week for $10/ hr). She needed to be accepted into her college of choice (the deadline for admissions had already lapsed). And something else.... me bad a forgot what the third thing was. All three conditions were answered and she knew she was meant to move and she did so with a peace knowing she was following God's will. On the flip side, our pastor shared with me a story of job offer he received to move to Florida. He had just started pastoring a church in Kelowna when he got a call that offered a job in Florida. This church not only was going to pay all his expenses, but also pay 3X his current salary and put a down payment on a house for them. Not to mention that beautiful weather. Well, it was very tempting, but he knew he had to pray about this difficult decision. He finally sent a fleece to God saying that he would take the job if they were willing to wait one year while they prepared his current church for their decision. While, after praying, he was informed that they were only willing to wait 6 months, and that is all he needed to know to know that it wasn't God's Will.

Here is a passage from the book I am reading that made me feel at peace, but also uneasy as I read it"

"On the surface it might appear more spiritual to seek God's leading rather than to just go ahead and do the obvious thing. But it isn't. If God gives you a watch, are you honoring Him more by asking him what time it is or by simply looking at your watch. If God gives a sailor a compass, does the sailor honor Him more by kneeling in a frenzy of prayer to persuade God to show him which way to go, or should he just steer according to the compass. Except for those things that are specifically commanded or forbidden in the Scriptures, it is God's will that we be free to exercise our own intelligent choice.... In almost everything that touches our everyday life on earth, God is pleased when we're pleased. He wills that we be as free as birds to soar and sing our Maker's praise without anxiety. God's choice for us may not only be one but rather any one of a score of possible choices. The man or woman who is wholly and joyously surrendered to Christ can't make a wrong choice- any choice will be the right one."

How amazing is that. Any choice is the right one. But there is a catch. You have to be 'wholly' surrendered to Christ. I started questioning. Do I completely trust the Lord with our lives. To provide for us when times have gotten really tough. In all honestly, I am not sure I have. I think it is natural for us to pray 'God please help me', but when He doesn't answer right away or doesn't answer our prayers in the way we thought He would, we take the reigns sorta speak.

In the book I am reading, 'How to Discover The Will of God' by George Sweeting, it also gives four simple steps to knowing the will of God. Here they are:

1. Seek His forgiveness and receive the salvation that Jesus offers you.

2. Surrender your life wholly to Christ. Let Him be your Lord, as well as your Savior.

3. Separate yourself from the world. Stop pursuing its goals and seeking its pleasure.

4. Be sincere in your motives. Do not play games with God. Submit your desires to Him, and He will reveal His glorious plan for your life.

Number one, check. Number two, sorta check. Number three, needs work. Number four, unsure. Separate yourself from the world, in my opinion, means to make sure that you are not being greedy and the things you long for ultimately don't out weigh your longing for a relationship with Christ. God doesn't care if we have a big house, nice furniture, ect. He cares about our soul, our salvation. He gave his only son to ensure that we are freed from our sins and have everlasting life. Sometimes we say this so lightly, but look at your child (if you have one). Could you do the same? I know I couldn't. And to be sincere. Of course I feel I am sincere, but I have to admit, the thought of having a new house filled with pretty things and Dana making more money is pretty tempting.

One more thing I want to share and then I will end this ridiculously long post:

"This, through prayer of God, the study of the Word, and reflection, I come to deliberate judgement according to the best of my ability and knowledge; and if my mind is this at peace, and continues so after two or three more petitions, I proceed accordingly. In trivial matters, and in transactions involving more important issues, I have found this method always effective."
-George Mueller

That's it. That's all I wanted to share. Again, for some this is hoakey, and you can leave it if you want. But this is what Dana and I have been stewing over.

The Decision

Some of you may have been dying for this post and some of you may be surprised by our speedy decision making. In actuality, we have decided to not decide....yet. We are going to put our idea on the back burner for 3 months. If we still feel like we would like to move then we will start looking at the process to that, but during the next 3 months we are going to make a valiant effort to make this our home.

Reasons for deciding this:
1} Moving is a HUGE expense- financially and emotionally- and should not be taken lightly.
2} Have we truly given Regina a fair shot? Maybe, but maybe not.
3} Real Estate is always better in the spring...
4} We believe that this is what God wants us to do.... take our time and be thoughtful in our decision making process.

So thank you for praying for us and please continue to pray that over the next 3 months God will continue to work on our hearts and really show us what path to pursue. It's true how life can change in a moment and in the last week, we went from staying in Regina to moving back to staying.... at least for awhile.

W.O.W.

Wow is right. I didn't quite think I was going to get that response, but cool. I like to know what people think and think it's important to have a voice and use it. I have to clarify that I did say toying with the idea. We are definately not committed to anything and more so unsure about moving than about staying. Having said that, the next few weeks will be spent in prayer while we ponder this major life decision so I will be taking a bit of a sabbatical. I love my blog and being able to share what is going in my mind. It feels good to release it; however, I don't want to hurt anyone bu building something up and then letting them down or vise versa. So please keep us in your prayers that God will shine a light on our path. Until then... I will miss you.

Twisted, Excited, sad.... What to Feel???

So I have to be honest with this post, and may excite and upset a few people. Dana and I have been toying with the idea of possibly......... moving back to Summerland. Now before anyone jumps for joy or bursts into tears, I did say maybe.

There are so many things to consider, from everything back home to everything here. We moved out here with the intention of giving it a shot, but also with an open mind that it may not work for us. I cried alot when we first moved and missed my entire family muchly. I think I asked Dana a million times a week, 'Why did we move?', with my puppy dog eyes mounded with tears. It was hard on Dana, but he always reassured me that when I made some friends, things would change. And they did. I have met some truly beautiful people who I already feel very close to. Who have made an effort to get to know me and spend time with me and my two children. We have found an amazing church family and feel like our talents are being utilized there. I actually was asked to do a monologue for the church, which is exciting and funny because I am not an actor, but I LOVE public speaking- so it should be good. And Dana is helping with some rewiring stuff. So again, talents being used. BUT then..... I think about home. And Summerland will always be my home. I grew up there in the same house walking the same streets from the time I was born to the time I was 24 (minus the few years I was in Kelowna). My heart really is in Summerland. Always has been. Not to mention all of our family, friends, great jobs, and opportunity was there. But expensive. Very expensive.

On top of everything, I have no idea where God wants us to go. A part of me thinks that we need to stay here and see where it leads and the other part of me thinks that God is pushing us back to Summerland.

So all in all, I feel twisted, excited and sad today. If you are a Christian, please pray that God will guide our hearts as to what road to take. If you are not, please send your positive thoughts...... arrrgghhh....... don't you hate decision making???

Yesterday I Cried

Yesterday,, Dana and I decided to take some well needed time for ourselves, hired a babysitter, and went on a date. We used one of the gift certificates we got for Christmas (I love food gc's) and went for dinner at a local resturant, Bacados. It was very yummy. I have been trying to watch my diet by eating no chocolate, nothing caffeniated, and absolutely no dairy (I always pay for it later). So far I have been doing pretty good. I had salmon with rice and steamed veggies, with water to drink. I even skipped dessert and for those of you who know me, know that that is a HUGE deal. Anyways, Dana recommended a movie after and we usually always go to an action one as we find those are the most worth while to see in the theatre, but yesterday Dana was feeling generous and decided to take me to Hilary Swank's new movie "PS. I Love You". It was a touching story about a woman who lost her Irish husband to a brain tumor, how she grieves and eventually falls in love again. There were several points where I was balling, the scene where she was packing up all his stuff, the scene where she remembers the first time they met, the kareoke scene.... actually I think there were tears in my eyes for most of the movie. I even looked over to Dana to see a few tears periodically. I think the reason why it affected me so much is that it put things into perspective. Our little fights, the little ways I disrepect Dana, the little things that I make into big things, just everything. I walked away from that movie not wanting to let go of this man I love in fear that one day I may have to live without him. How would I even breath without him? Is that even possible? Needless to say I was pretty emotional, and feeling very 'in love' with Dana for the rest of the night. I love movies like that, that make us feel. Make us grow. Make us laugh or cry. Think about our existance. Brings humanity back into our lives. I asked Dana what he thought of the movie, thinking that he would be sharing these whimsical feelings I am having. I looked at him and there were some tears rolling down his cheek. Me, thinking he was thinking how precious I was to him, reached over and brushed them away. He looked at me and said, "It made me think of my mom, and I really miss her." ...... Urrrrrccccch! What??? Your mother???? Now, don't get me wrong, I think it is very sweet that he admitted this because the last few months has been really hard on him and I think he has been denying himself how much he misses his mom and so it is good that he is finally verbalizing it. And I am sure when Carleen reads this she will cry too and feel touched to know this (and also know that it has been hard on everyone), but I have to admit I was feeling a little 'jipped'! Here I was, having all these whimsical thoughts about Dana and he wasn't even thinking of me. But, again, that is life. Unpredictable. Everyone reads movies, experiences, differently. And every emotion prevoked is valid. We spent the entire drive home talking about what we missed about 'home' and why. It has actually been discussed even since then what our goals are. Anyway, points I wanted to convey" 1. Good Movie 2. We miss family 3. Love movies that make us pervoke emotion.

In other big news, Ava is crawling!!!! Army crawling, but crawling no less. And she is motoring. I guess I have to keep the carpet clean as she is picking little crumbs up everywhere (and I thought I was a good housekeeper), but it is amazing what babies can find on a perfectly spotless floor. So yay Ava!!!

I'm Freezing Mommy!

This afternoon I thought it would be a good idea to go for a walk, and it was so pretty outside. The sun was shining, the snow was glistening, so I bundled up the kids and drove to Wascana Park to go for a walk through a winter wonderland.

Right after this picture (above) was taken, Kynan looked at me and said 'I'm freezing Mommy'. So in total we walked about 100 yards and then decided to turn around and go back to the van.

And here (below) are some random pictures.

A 'boys' lunch. Typical in our house.

Ava 'fingerin' it.

The other day we blew bubbles and the kids LOVED it.

Ava sitting up and playing with all her new toys on Baba's 'peek-a-boo' blanket.
Great shots of her chompers.

This morning we all woke up with bed head. You'll especially love Ava's bed head. Ha.

Ava Lily Flowers

As Ava approaches her 8th month (holy crap!) I can't help, but reflect over the last 7. It has been a whirl wind. Her birth being very 'late' and within a few weeks we were packing up to move half way across the country (yikes!). Then immediately arriving at our new home starting renovations. It has been like starting a whole new life with her and our family. Because so much was happening when she was really little, I can't help, but feel like I missed so many snuggles and cherishing her babiness. But things quickly changed once we got into a routine and settled. It seems like she was always smiling. Ava has this smile that lights up a room. She gives you this look and then usually smiles so big and barries her head into your shoulder. She doesn't laugh as much as she smiles, but when she does you're a little surprised. Looking at her you would think she has this little girly giggle, but she is more of a boisterous laughter. It's rather funny. Lately, she has learned to click her tongue so she is always clicking away. She also loves playing peek-a-boo. She'll hold a blanket over her head and when you say 'where's Ava?' she'll quickly put the blanket down and giggle. She also loves 'grrrr'ing. She will 'grrr' with Kynan for hours (well, at least 5 minutes ;). Kynan loves singing to Ava and she has been trying to sing along. It is hilarious listening to the two of them 'sing'. She is almost crawling. She gets up on all 4's, rocks back and forth, and then lunges forward. After that though, she gives up and just rolls to where she wants to go. And as far as food, it seems like she has a bit of my genes as she loves to eat. Yesterday we went out for dinner as a family, and she sat there the entire time and just ate whatever we put in front of her. But when she is done, she is DONE. And you can't get her home quick enough. Her sleeping has improved leaps and bounds. She use to never sleep. I think she would sleep for maybe 4 hours at night and only nap once during the day. And I have to say, I was definitely looking 'weary'. But lately she has only been getting up once or twice and sleeping until 9am unless she is woken up. I am taking advantage. She is such a joy and I love her so incredibly much. Lately, she has been so cuddly too. And for those of you who know Ava know that that is a rarity. So every chance I get I cuddle her. She was really sick one day last week and wouldn't sleep or be put down. I held her for the entire day. It was heaven.

A Time to Say Goodbye

Today I am thinking about saying goodbye to lots of things in my life.

Today I said goodbye to my parents as they were flying back home. It was sad to see them go as I know I will start to miss them in a few days, but at the same time it is nice to have our house back, and our routine in order. Right now Ava is sleeping and Kynan and I are about to have a bath together. Peace, ahhh.

I am trying to say goodbye to 'fat Susie', and turn a new page. This is the year for change and I am determined to lose some weight. I have started reading 'The Ultimate Weight Challenge', I am going back on weight watchers, and I am trying to get some tips from the show Biggest Loser. It is addicting. My self image, when I am not looking in the mirror, is great because I still feel like I am in high school.... skinny and energetic, except I can't do many sports because of my engorged 'ladies'. Do sport bras even come in an I cup? But the moment I look in the mirror I wonder who that person is. Is that really the Susie I know? And then I reach for a big bowl of ice cream to ease the pain of the reality. Sad I know, but this year I say goodbye to that behavior. I am determined to reprogram my mind to love my body.

I also want to say goodbye to fear and indecisiveness. For years now, I have been trying to figure out what to do with my life. What career to pursue or to pursue any. After Kynan was born I have always felt torn, to be a stay at home mom or follow some of my life long dreams. This year I decide to do both. I know I don't have to work, but I am going to focus some of my time following a life long dream of mine to become a motivational speaker. I am not sure what the means yet, but I will be working on that.

I am also saying goodbye to being a lazy mom and wife. I really want to take a more active roll in providing 'better' stimulus for Kynan and Ava. AKA: way less TV and more one on one time with mom. So often I get caught up in controlling 'the mess' that I forget why I am home to begin with. And as for being a better wife, I want to listen to Dana more and talk less. I want to show him in my actions how much I love and respect him. Because I do... very much.

So long fat, indecisiveness, laziness!

And in response to Kaili's post.... Things I am Lovin' Lately...

1) Kynan's new train set, he loves playing on it for hours and it is allowing me to get a few more winks of sleep.
2) This is going to sound bad, but I actually like that Ava has been feeling under the weather. For a girl who hated being held and snuggled, she has been wanting nothing but to be held and I am soaking up every minute of it. I love when she lays her head on my chest, sucks her thumb, and tries to sleep. Sweet sweet music to me. I also am loving her sleepy grins. She has been so sleepy lately, but you can tell she wants to play. I play peek-a-boo with her and she grins a sleepy grin. So cute.
3) Because our Christmas tree has been up since November, it pretty much is dead and losing alot of needles. So I am loving our electric sweeper. One quick shot and those pesky needles are gone.
4) Gift cards.... renos are back in action and a playroom and bathroom are forming in our basement. Dana and I love going to home depot and just dreaming about what will unfold when the projects are done.
5) Rubber maid totes. I am reorganising things as we move stuff around our basement and everything is going into labeled rubber maid totes. If only I had a label maker.... mmmm.
6) The half eaten birthday cake in the fridge. Ok, I know I said I want to lose weight but there is something about buttercream frosting that is too good to resist. Besides, Dr. Phil said that you should start slowly.... so I am.
7) Bedtime... I have been loving bedtime. Time to talk to Dana, recap the day and sink into a deep slumber. I have been taking full advantage of Ava's sleepiness and getting as much sleep as my kids will allow. Speaking of bed.... what am I doing here.... I'm off to have a bath with my son and then off to bed..... ahhhhh and it's only 1pm. LOL!

The Boy is 3!

This time (BC time) 3 years ago I was giving birth to our son, Kynan. It was such an amazing experience filled with such joy. I still remember the utter relief I felt the moment he was born and asking Dana not to leave his side. As they wrapped him up and handed him to me I fell in love. Just when you think you can't love something as much, your heart grows. Kynan quickly gathered many names, Mr. K, K-Boy, Monkey Man, Goober... too many. Even as a baby, he was such a character. He use to blow kisses right from day one, he loved to snuggle and nurse, and he was definately a momma's boy. So warm, so loving. I remember him quickly growing, and starting to eat at only 5 months. I was so amazed and he already wanted to eat by himself. He was growing so independant. When we realised that he was walking, it was a few weeks shy of Christmas and was so exciting. He quickly learned to run and then sprint. And it was hard keeping up with him after that. He has always been obsessed with cars, trucks, and mighty machines. And still is.

But really, I want to tell you what an amazing boy he is now. He is such a talker and loves showing people his toys and what cool new tricks he can do. For example, today he showed me a break dancing move he mastered and then told me about a bunch of dinosaurs he learned about. He is full of humor and will definately be the class clown. I love this little man so much. He has brought such light and clarity to my life. He frustrates me, makes me laugh, tries my patients, and loves me when I'm down. He makes me a bigger person. I am so thankful for the gift that he is to me, our family, and ultimately this world.

Happy Birthday, little man. Know you are loved.

Christmas with the Clan

Christmas is such a wonderful time of year. Filled with magic and excitement, thankfulness and giving, and yummy food and wonder. It was exactly that in the Clan's household.

"Look at me! I'm a big girl!"

Kynan getting hopped up on shortbread.

Everyone getting their hands in the decorating process on Christmas Eve.

Dana indulging.

Ava attempting to crawl. Almost! Note: She is wearing Dana's old sleeper.

Kynan and I cuddling, watching 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas'

The wonder of Christmas morning. Santa has been here!

"Look at my loot, mom!"

"I get it! You rip and then eat the paper, right?"


And only my husband would do this.... build an ice rink in our back yard. He spent all week after Christmas putting his baby together. Late nights went into flattening the snow, building the walls, and flooding the yard. It was the only time this winter we hoped for -30 temperatures to help freeze it faster. But the expression on Dana's face when he was finished, was priceless. Such pride. Kynan, of course, is getting much use of it too with his new bob skates.

A great teacher and an excellent student.