Exactly Where We Are Suppose to Be

There has been a lot of things happen since my last post and I apologize to my very few readers for not being more diligent and updating more. Things at the Port are finally feeling more settled. Honestly, it felt like a long hard summer that was extremely lonely as I didn't know many people and Dana was hardly around. When fall came, so did a sense of routine, new people, and blossoming friendships for both the kids and myself. Dana has been like a little kid, filled with eagerness to learn and excitement for his new environment. I am so thankful that he is feeling settled and motivated in his new adventure. As for myself, it feels like after a very restful summer "off" of activities, I have been launched into a little bit of a whirl wind of new ideas, a growing business, and establishing friendships; all of which have been very positive. God has been so faithful in providing new positive friendships in my life. A fellow photographer and now gym buddy, has been more than an answer to prayer; she has been a life line this summer. Preventing me from shutting out the world. Another mom, who shares similar values and parenting style, has also been a wonderful breath of fresh air and her children have offered a great new companion for Ava. Of course, every day, other relationships are being nurtured and established and I am really starting to feel at home here. Another exciting thing has been the growth of my photography business, which has more than quadrupled since last year. I have been busy with family, maternity, baby sessions, and (new to me this summer) weddings. I have loved every minute of it and I truly owe it all to Dana for pushing me and encouraging me to chase after something I have wanted for a long time. Another new, exciting and challenging, event on our horizon is the prospect of Homeschooling Kynan. This is something that was laid on my heart last winter. Something that I felt at the time, I was not capable of nor did I want to attempt it. But the more and more we ponder this option for our family the more excited we feel about. Every family is different, and this may be just right for ours. We are still considering all the possibilities, and hope to make a decision by December. So yes, alot. But also it all feels normal family stuff. On top of it all, I feel that we are doing and where exactly where we need to be. That this is what God had planned for us all along. I see purpose in everything we are doing, and am so grateful that God has been with us every step of the way. We are suppose to be challenged and stretched. That is when we learn to depend more deeply on the one who created us. For strength, encouragement and wisdom. I find myself encouraged and inspired here. I am doing things that I never felt I could or had the energy for. I am working out, eating healthier (still not great, but better than before), I launched my wedding photography business this summer with huge success, Iam reaching out to the community, I am reading my bible daily, I am looking into Homeschooling, I am more patient with my kids and enjoy them more than ever before, I LOVE being Dana's wife and all that I am blessed to serve him, and ultimately I feel closer to God than I have ever felt before. I still have a long way to go. After all, we are all works in progress, but I am so thankful that God designed Caronport to be one of our stops on our journey. We are exactly where we are suppose to be.

One thing I have really enjoyed about living in Caronport, is the sudden repreive I have from all my commitments. We have nothing on our calendar except a few visits from family and to go see some friends. That's it! No where to run off to. Nothing I HAVE to do. Our days are so relaxed and the kids are seeming to enjoy this break in schedule. Our days usually consist of getting up, eating breakfast, playing outside, having picnic lunches, reading in the afternoon's, enjoying the garden, going for walks to the corner store, friends, enjoyment.....peace. I mean, there are some crazy days like today where I wake up to everything out of the cupboards and on my living room floor because I slept 10 minutes longer than I should have and the kids thought they would feed themselves. Or the black marker that is on my computer screen because I though Elijah was playing with Ava in her room when I was doing a load of laundry. I thought wrong obviously. I am hoping by confessing this, I am not thought of as a bad mother, but rather an imperfect mother who is doing her best to live in the moment and rejoice in the day we are given. Moving is always an adjustment. New friendships take time to form. There is always the beginning awkwardness that takes time to fade away. It's exhausting starting from scratch and to continually put yourself out there and be vulnerable to what people may think of you or perceive you. But isn't it worth it, considering what you might gain? That person may be that long lost friend that will end up being a life time friend. Or maybe they will impart wisdom or speak truth into your life? Maybe they will give a much needed wake up call and replant your path in life? Who knows, right? In talking to a new (possibly great) friend last week, I realized that I am an "all in" kind of person. Right out of the gate, I throw in all my chips, I open up, and I hope that I connect. I wear everything on my sleeve. My emotions, my past, my thoughts, my passions, EVERYTHING. I also tend to be a little uncensored because of this. Which sometimes people consider it a fault that I say the wrong thing, or share too much, but I choose to believe that this makes me human and imperfect. Someone who is yurning to improve and grow and gain wisdom, but recognizes that I am weak and insecure and possibly naive. I love how moving out here as put all this in perspective for me and allowed me to truly embrace... me. I feel free to be who I am and what I want to be, without fear of judgement or being cast out. Cast out from where? I haven't even been 'cast in' yet. So there is this sense of freedom here. Peace.

God Does Answer Prayers

I am always amazed how God answers our prayers. It seems so perfect at times, and at others it seems just in the nick of time. Dana and I did put alot on the line when we decided to move to Caronport in following God's call on our lives. Nothing grand comes without sacrafice. We all sacrafice something; whether it be time, money, friends, ect... It seems like over the last 4 years Dana and I have been "sacraficing" alot! But I look at where it has taken us, and am amazed how God knew what was best for us all along.

I grew up in a small town and loved every minute of it. I loved how friendly people were, that you could take over an hour walking to town because you were bound to run into people you knew who wanted to chat, that you could walk to the grocery store. I loved that I knew everyone in my school in all the grades, most of them by name. I loved that I married my high school sweet heart, and I love that my children walked the same streets as I did growing up. I imagined my kids going to the same school I did, having some of the same teachers, finding the same secret quiet spaces (mine was the rock that looked over the creek behind the stone church). But things change, people change and dreams change. I found that after I got married and started a family, I looked at that same lovable community differently. I didn't have many "mom" friends that I could share life with, money was always a stress living where we did, and somewhere along the line I felt like I lost "my" community. So naturally when the opportunity came up to move Saskatchewan, it intrigued me. However, I still held to my little community scared of letting it go and all that it had meant to me. Not to mention that both Dana and I's family's lived in there too and I had imagined our children growing up with Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles and Cousins as neighbors. Real 'Little House on the Prairie' kind of stuff. But on faith and hope we moved half way across Canada to the real prairie. That move changed our lives. We didn't know it then, but God was working in us and grooming us for the road that lies ahead.

Saskatchewan proved to be the most challenging, scary, loving, rewarding things we have ever done. We walked away from a brand new house, filled with all brand new things, into a two bed room apartment in a not so good area of town. Not to mention how much stuff we got rid of to fit it all in. We still held on to the possibility of our lot selling and being able to own a home, so we had rented storage for much of our bigger processions. Feeling like we were working a little backwards, and the unknown future, there were many times we doubted our decision. But something always held us here. As if God was saying, hold in tight, I have something for you, just not yet. Several months after being in this small home, my dear friend's hubby (they lived in the same building) said that he had a knife pulled on him in the parking lot so not to go out walking at night by myself like I had been. Now he was fine and made it more comical then I sure it was, but I remember being terrified and marching home immediately to tell Dana we are moving and that was it. But we couldn't afford much, our lot hadn't sold so we didn't think we could buy, but after months of looking it felt like there was no other option. So we had made an appointment with the bank to see what we could afford. Well, months prior we had applied for the Family Co-op which provided beautiful family town houses in a great area of town for subsidized rent but because we hadn't heard back we assumed there was no way we would get in. But guess who called when we were in the office with mortgage specialist? The Co-op! She told us they had a town house available in just a few weeks and they wanted to know if we wanted it. The amazing thing is that there is a wait list a mile long to get into this place, that's why we thought it was impossible. But she told us we were the last on her list, and she had called everyone else and they all told her that it was not a good time for them to move! In MAY! That is undeniably God taking the bull by the horn in my opinion. SO now we had a beautiful, safe home for our family.

Life seemed pretty perfect, even though the lot in BC has not sold, we had a home to be proud of and our family was growing. That fall little Elijah was born. We felt so blessed, but still felt as though we were waiting. Waiting on God to show us why Saskatchewan? Why now? Dana had started to feel discontented with his work and couldn't shake this undeniable feeling that he was suppose to be doing something else. Finally, just after Eli turned one, I took him to Caronport to talk to Academic Adviser and to see just what it would take to go into the ministry (aka: become a pastor). That day Dana was a kid in a candy store. He walked through the halls with a big smile, reading everything in site. He sat in on a class, and leaned in and said to me I know these answers! Can I raise my hand? I know after that day, that we would find ourselves back in this small rural town in the future. Little did I know it would only be a short 5 months later. The plan was for Dana to finish his electrical (3 years) while working on his degree through Briercrest by distance education. Now I would say that when God has a plan there really is no stopping it, but I don't believe that to be true all the time. I do believe that sometimes it does come down to a choice. You see in December that year, two months after our visit to Caronport, Dana "treated" me with a weekend retreat of solitude feeling the Lord's promptings that I needed time to reflect. I know that decision wasn't easy for Dana, considering I had been begging to go to Mexico for about 6 months. But he was obedient and listened to the promptings and I went. That weekend was revolutionary for me. Extremely disappointed that I wasn't on a warm sandy beach listening to the waves lap my feet, I started reading the word and spending lots of time in prayer. That weekend God spoke to me for maybe the first time in my life. I truly felt him saying: "Trust me. I have a plan. It has been in place all along. But now it comes down to you. You need to make a choice. To you follow MY plan for you or do you try and do it on your own." What echoes in my mind even still today is that it is all about a choice. I have to choose. I went home that day not really knowing what that meant until Dana and I's conversation floated back on our visit to Caronport and the prospect of him one day going to school. The conversation kinda went like this:
Susie: "So Dana, where are you at with that whole I wanna become a pastor, quit my job and go to school thing coming along."
Dana: "I still want to do it. I think about it everyday."
Susie: "So does that mean you want to go now? Not later?"
Dana: "Honestly Suz, I have been waiting on you to be ready and on board with the idea."
Susie: "Really? Me?"
Dana: "Yes Love"
Susie: All that is echoing in my mind at this point is that it's all about a choice. "Well, let's do it then!"
Really, there was much more discussion that went into it, but after that initial two minute conversation the decision had been made.

Now we are here, the summer before studies begin. Last week we didn't know if Dana had a job at the end of school or how we were going to pay for things or .... Needless to say the last two months have been very stressful. But listen to the many blessings we have received in the last 6 weeks.

-A good friend paid for me to go on the MOPS retreat which we couldn't afford to do otherwise.
-I shot my first "professional" wedding
-I booked my first "Full Package" wedding
-We got a free shed, a free swing set/ treehouse, a free trampoline
-AND now Dana got a job right here in Caronport!

God does answer prayers. He has provided us the will and knowledge and provisions all along our journey. We have always been able to pay our bills. We have never "lived without". Of course we have made sacrifices and done without, but it has never felt like a hardship. I truly feel as though God is filling up my heart and replacing all my wants and desires with HIS wants and desires. I am finding joy in knowing that we are following God's will. And what's more that we had the faith and obedience to make the CHOICE to do so. What has Jesus been asking you to do? Is there a calling on your life that you have not yet answered or are still wrestling through? Have you thought about the idea that it does come down to you choosing Jesus? I encourage you to make the choice, choose Him. Put your trust in Him. The road may not be easy, but it is filled with heavenly riches.

"Two paths diverged in a wood and I, I took the one less travelled and that has made all the difference."
-Ralph Emerson

Listen to this song and God bless YOUR journey.

Welcome to Caronport

We're here! We made it! Thanks to many strong hands we were able to get most of our things packed up on Friday night. It's amazing how many people showed up and we were so grateful! On Saturday, our faithful friend came out and helped us move the rest of the stuff and even came to Caronport to unload. It took the two of them about 4 hours just to unload the truck. A friend from MOPS surprised me and helped me clean up the Regina house and get it ready for our inspection. And even a friend from Saskatoon came and lended a hand cleaning, and even watching the kids that afternoon. Again, we are truly grateful.


So we are here and seem to be settling into small town life. The kids have been riding their bikes everywhere and even Elijah pounds on the door as if to say, "Walk?" As for myself, I believe I am all walked out. Dana has started school in Moose Jaw on Monday, so he takes the van in the morning. Kynan's a morning class so we have to be at the school by 8:45am. It's only like a 8 minute walk, but when you are traveling with three kids it ends up being more like 25 minutes. Then we have to walk home. Then at 11:30am we are off to pick him up. Yesterday and tomorrow, Ava has preschool too, which means an extra trip to the school for 1:15 and again at 3pm. Needless to say, there better be some pounds shed or I will be an unhappy camper. My body ached last night, and I could not unpack another box. With all my ranting about walking, how out of shape I am, and how I wish I could just send Kynan by himself, I do love it here. It's so quiet and peaceful, you can see the stars at night, the dirt roads, the smiles and waves, the friendly housing staff (who have already rescued me from being locked out of my house twice already- key hidden, check). It feels like we are at summer camp and our houses are our family cabins and school is the daycamp our kids go to. With the exception that I am a bit of loner right now. Everybody walks or rides their bikes everywhere! There are paths that lead to every part of Caronport and everyone seems all so laid back. The kids love it. Dana is in his element. And I..... am going through social withdrawls, but know that even that will dissipate with time.

Here comes the next adventure.... bring it on!

Standing on the Edge

We are just days away from our new adventure. Tomorrow Dana will be dismantling the office and my computer so I thought I better update this here page. Saturday marks the day of a new chapter and truly a complete reroute of our lives. If you were to ask me four years ago if I thought we would be here, I probably would laugh. Hysterically laugh. But there have been so many pivotal decisions that we have made as a family that have lead us to this. I can't help, but feel like I am a bird about to take flight, standing on the edge of cliff and hoping that my wings work and the wind will catch me. Our home on Sangster will be the longest place we have called home since being married. And this move to Caronport will be the seventh move in our seven years of marriage. You would think this might have gotten me down, but when Dana and I look at each other we giggle. We giggle at it all. We are giddy like two kids about to go Disneyland for the first time (which God willing will hopefully happen sometime in my lifetime-LOL). Boxes are packed, the kids are ready (and excited too), truck is booked, and the cleaning has started. I am sure there will be much to share and I hope to blog more as a way to keep in touch with everyone. Keep us in your prayers this week. And if you are feeling ansy on Friday or Saturday, come on over and load a few boxes!

It's All About A Choice

So, last post I left you hanging a little bit, but I hoped you enjoyed the read. Now, let's you get caught up to where we are now.

After coming home from, my retreat, I strongly felt (and prayed) that Dana would be having an equally meaningful weekend as I did. I felt like something big was coming, but a little unsure as to what. So after tucking the kids into bed that evening, we sat down and talked about all that had happened on our weekends. He was actually really sick, and said that he hadn't had some big epiphany as I thought he would have. So I felt a little confused. I know that people would say to just wait and God will reveal His plans in perfect time, but I wanted to know now. So I asked Dana where he was at about that whole going to school thing, more for conversation than anything else. And he said, very matter of factly, "I want to go. I have always wanted to go. I have just been waiting for you to be ok with the whole idea of it." What?!?!? That was not at all what I was expecting, but what was even more unexpected was how I felt about it. Excited? Could that be right? About 2 months prior to this, Dana and I went out to visit a local Bible College so that Dana could tour the building, meet with some advisers and sit in on a class. Mostly, I just wanted him to be sure that he wanted to pursue this in the future. In the future and PART TIME was more where I was then. I didn't even think that he would want to go full time and soon. Having said that, I did feel right at home out in Caronport. It is a very small village and the people are lovely. And as we drove away I turned to Dana and told him I could see us living out there. Now speed back to where we are, the living room talking about school and Dana saying he wants to go to school, now.

School now? How do I feel about that? Excited? Nervous? Unsure? Yes, yes, and absolutely not. For the first time in a really long time, I felt like Dana and I were doing exactly what we are suppose to be doing. It all makes sense now. God did have a plan all along. The only ones who were stopping it was us. We didn't listen. Or maybe we were listening, but we chose not to act. To follow. To be obedient to the Call. That's when it dawned on me. It's all about a choice. God has chosen us long ago and has been preparing a path for us, laying out every detail, but if we don't follow. If we are not obedient and listen and act, then we will never know what His plan was. Dana and I felt like we were in this waiting period for like two years (ever since moving back to Regina), and now I see all along God was prompting us, grooming us, for this decision.

After that surprisingly short conversation, Dana decided to go ahead and apply for school. We didn't want to get our hopes up if he wasn't getting in. There were so many little things that happened after that confirming that this is where and what Dana and I were to be doing, that it gave us a sense of confidence that all would work out. And work out it did. Dana hand delivered his application in mid-January. We talked with financial advisers who laid everything out for us. We talked to the registration advisers who painted a clear picture as what the "next steps" are. Then when we were about to leave, Chantelle (registrations adviser) gave us great news. She had asked me earlier in the morning what my biggest worry was about Dana coming to school. I had confided that I was a little nervous about the housing situation and how it would all fall together. We didn't want to move until August and most of the students move out in spring. Also, we wanted one of the mobile homes so we could have space inside and out (they have bigger yards), AND we had a list of other hopes that we expressed to her. And her big news was, that in the twenty minutes we were in with the financial councilor, she had found us a house! Absolutely everything we had asked for, plus they were willing to hold it for us until August. Isn't that just amazing? It blows my mind how God works and I am not sure why I ever worry about anything because this is just one of the bizillion ways God has provided for us. God is faithful, and he consistently shows us He loves us through these little miracles.

So, long story short, we are moving an hour outside Regina to a little village named Caronport so Dana can attend Brieircrest College & Seminary School full time in the fall. He will be working towards a Bachelor of Theology with the goal of becoming a pastor one day. I am so excited about this new chapter in our lives and am so overwhelmed with peace about all the little details. God will provide.

Next post..... the Call. And my thoughts on that. But in the meantime check out this AWESOME song by 33 Miles.

Covered Path

I know it has been a while since I have posted, and I hope you all have had a blessed Christmas filled with love and laughter. We sure did, but as always, the season zoomed by too fast! I can't believe it has been almost 2 months since my last post and so much has happened in our lives since then.

Early December, Dana surprised me with my first Christmas gift. He marked on the calendar, "Do not book anything" over three days and then hinted towards a trip away. All I had asked for Christmas was a romantic getaway so that we could recharge and spend time alone together, so I was super excited. I was a little shocked, to say the least, when his surprise did not involve sand of any kind, no plane, not even him. WHAT?!?! Dana, being the wise man that he is, planned a retreat for just me at a local retreat center for me to pray and spend time with God. Some people dream of a chance like this, but I definitely did not. Well, not this time anyway. Dana shoved (my interpretation anyway) me into a cinder block room with nothing, but a small suitcase and a kick good bye kiss. As he ran out of the room, he said that there was instructions in the bag. And there I stood, for the first time in what seems an eternity, alone.

Now, for those that know me, and Dana is no exception, know that I LOVE being around people. I am a proud extrovert, am energized from being around people, and just love to be busy. Period. I am also a mom of three very active kids and there is not alot of alone time or quiet time in my home. So this concept of "alone and quiet time for ME" is a little foreign. At first I was so upset that I literally cried for an hour straight. I kept imagining in my head where I could be, what I could be doing, and when my imagination would bring Dana into the picture I would wail harder. I am sure that my sobbing was echoing through the silent hallways of the retreat center. It is extremely silent out there. You could probably hear a pin drop clear across the building. After an hour, and my faucet had dried out, sadness and disappointment was replaced with anger. Let me pause for a moment and say, I know some of you might be thinking she is being a little dramatic or what a thoughtful thing your husband did, how selfish are you to be responding this way. I know and I felt awful after, but please try and put yourself in my shoes. For months I had dreamed about a relaxing, romantic, tropical trip, down to putting a palm tree as my screen on my phone. So this, a retreat center in the middle of a snow covered prairie, was not exactly what I was expecting. Okay, so now back to my anger. I was ready to call up Dana and say "You take the weekend! Come pick me up and I will look after the kids while you spend the weekend in solitude. This is your dream retreat, NOT MINE!" But, I also knew, from the bottom of my heart, that Dana did this out of love and respect for me. He felt THIS is what I needed, not some expensive holiday filled with further distraction. So after talking to a dear a friend, who edified my own thoughts, I chose to embrace the situation, and really seek out why God had led Dana to such a decision. I am so glad I did.

After talking with my friend, I hung up the phone feeling exhausted. So, I went back to my room, jacked up the heat, and crawled into bed. I must have been tired because I slept for a solid three hours only awakening to the smell of dinner down the hall. I went to the dining hall, sat alone, ate alone, awkwardly watching the other people (who were there as a study group from a church). They smiled at me and I smiled at them, quickly finished supper and left the awkwardness as soon as possible. I spent the evening wondering the halls and admiring all the artwork. The building was filled with amazing pieces from local artists. The retreat center had a right up about all their outdoor features; which included, a prayer walk, paths, and a labyrinth. I was in way trying to figure out what I was going to do the next day too, so I made a small plan to do all the outdoor stuff the following day. I spent most the night reading my Bible and a book I had found in the retreat center's basement sale (an indoor garage sale that helps raise funds for the center and their various events). The next morning came and I felt exhausted (didn't sleep much the night before), and full of confusion. Why did God speak to Dana and tell him here? What was I suppose to get out of all this? I was tired and mad, and bundled up to go out into the prairie winter which I was also not thrilled about.

I started with the prayer walk, which actually was great. I could hear the quietness of nature and the peace that filled me when I read the prayers aloud felt comforting and reassuring. I looked up the hill to where the labyrinth was suppose to be and just saw more snow, but thought I may as well. So I hiked up to entrance of the labyrinth. Okay, so you need to know that the night before I read that a labyrinth is like a spiritual pilgrimage. You walk into the center of the labyrinth relenting your hear to to God, unburdening your hear to him with all your stresses, questions, thoughts. Once you get to the center you silence yourself, and walk out listening to God. Emptying you mind and truly listen to what God will speak to you. Worth a shot, right? So I attempt to walk through this labyrinth, the whole time just relenting about our future. What are we doing here? Where are we going? Why hasn't are lot sold? What is my purpose? And so and so on. I finally made it to the middle and I am not sure how. The labyrinth had been laid out by stones which were all covered in snow. There were some footprints, but they seemed not to lead me in the right direction. Okay, so I had relented my heart to God, now it was time to clear my mind and quiet my thoughts and listen to what God had to say. I was so excited and filled with anticipation as I waited for God to bestow a sense of piece and purpose on my life. I started walking, nothing. The more I walked out of the labyrinth, the less peace I felt and more frustration rose in me. I couldn't even find my way out of this stupid labyrinth. How on earth am I suppose to hear God speaking to me when I can't even get this part right?!?!? I finally just jumped out of the chaos and gave up. I was so mad and more frustrated than I felt the entire weekend. What the heck! I thought this was suppose to be a weekend of enlightenment and give me sense of purpose and direction. I closed me eyes and lifted my hands up to the sky and yelled at God. My yelling turned to more of crying out. "Show me the light, God. Please, just show me your light!" And what happened next was both amazing and weird.

As I kept repeating, "Show me the light", all these thoughts that Dana and I have been struggling with came into my mind. School, our lot, direction, waiting, ect ect ect. For those that don't know me well, may not know what these things mean, but please just stay with me. My eyes were closed, my arms lifted up, and suddenly, like a sun peeping out from behind a cloud, a light started to increase in my mind's eye. I quickly opened my eyes to see if that was what was happening, but there was no sun. Just the cloudy day I had been in before. When I closed my eyes again, though, the light was intense. It was so bright, a bright red and orange, beautiful. And so clearly I felt God speaking to my heart. I felt him filling me with a sense of peace and joy. And then he spoke to me saying that my path is much like the labyrinth I just tried to walk. There is a clear path in which I can choose to take. It has been laid out for me, and has been thoughtfully put together. But, much like the path of the labyrinth it may be unclear or covered in snow. But to be assured that spring is coming and all will be revealed. Path. Direction. Dana. Lot. All these words repeated in my mind over and over. And then as suddenly as it had started it stopped and all that was left was a sense of peace and clarity.

I truly believe that God spoke to me that day and gave me a gift of peace as to what is going to come. The biggest thing I felt that day though, was that there was always a path laid out. God has had this plan all along. He was just waiting for me to choose it. And so, I feel like we have made the choice to finally start listening to God's promptings. The story does continue, there is still so much more to tell. But I will leave you here today. Partly because I want you to come back and visit my blog again and partly because my kids have been left to fend for themselves for long enough and it's time for me to go back to being a mom.

God bless you, and may you listen to what God is prompting you.