Welcome to my rollarcoaster life. Seems as though things weren't as firm as I thought they were. Not because Dana and I miscommunicated or didn't talk, just life happens and things change. We actually may be staying in Regina....... for now. BUT I will not say anything with certainty. I don't want to be posting another retraction. Sorry if this topsy turvy ride makes you want to hurl.... I know I certainly do sometimes, but thus is life when major decisions are involved.
I also wanted to support Kaili in authenticating her blog by authenticating mine a little by sharing something that has been 'bugging' me. It is always my hope that through my words that I share and pictures I post that you, my readers, will not only know 'what's up' in our lives, but hopefully get to know me a little more. I want to be truthful and open as much as I can. I think sometimes I scare people off when I start talking about God or what-have-you and it is never my intention to offend. That is the honest truth. I sometimes wish that people could look into a window on my chest and see my true heart, what I am all about, my essence. Truth be known, I am not even sure I know what my essence is but that is my wish.
I sometimes feel that people don't truly know me and how I am at my core. My heart. Friends, family and strangers alike. I try to do my best to show my love and my care and my honesty. I am not a doormat though. I have opinions and thoughts, but I have a big heart. And I truly do care. I care about alot of things. It hurts when people have preconceived notions about what kind of person I am or don't have the whole story on situations and make judgements on half the tale. I know that we shouldn't 'care what other people think', but I do. And I think you should care. It is the message you are giving and it has prevalence. Some things were said to me recently that made me think about how I am portraying myself to others. DO they really feel this love I have for them? Do they really know that all I want is for them to feel loved? Obviously not otherwise these things would not have been said. So am I doing everything I can to ensure that I am portraying the 'real' me. I make mistakes. I sometimes shoot my mouth off. I am a work in progress. But I have love and love to give. Sometimes it hurts when that is not seen.
There it is.... one step to authenticating a blog. Hope you come back.
3 comments:
Good for you for revealing your heart. I'll be back, cuz you know I love ya! ;)
I completely understand the back and forth feelings and confusion! Good luck as you guys try to sort things out and decide what's best for you.
The major decisions are scary and I think I would be nervous if there wasn't any topsy-turvy feelings happening. Its natural and healthy.
As for being the real you. I haven't ever met you in real life, but you have shown that you care about family, faith and friends through this blog. Its refreshing and wonderful.
I do hope you truly stay in Regina though, just because it is my hometown and I love it, but I can understand your call to BC. Know that I am praying for you and this big decision!
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