Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Off the Wagon so soon...
Recently I have been trying weight watchers to lose some of my maternity weight.... well.... my everything weight. As long as I can remember I have been self conscience about my body image. I have always been a bigger girl. Bigger thighs, bigger hips, bigger boobs.... bigger everything. It's not like I didn't work out in high school. I was on 3 soccer teams in the spring, summer and fall. And curled in the winter. Not to mention was always doing something on my feet. I have always huvered around 120 lbs. Then I went away one summer to a leadership came for 4 weeks. in that 4 weeks I gained 20 lbs. So now I am in grade 11 at 140 lbs. with most of my friends being 115 lbs. Not fun. Then after high school I got a desk job and gained and gained. Got pregnant and gained more... way more. I was well over the 200 lbs mark with both my pregnancy. Now I wish I weighed 160 lbs. Everyday, I am reminded of how over weight I am by my closet. The only thing to fit me is my maternity clothes. I tried squeezing into a pair of jeans that I wore when I was 4 months pregnant with Kynan..... still too tight. Jeans I wore just last year. Too tight. Pants from before Kynan... way too tight. All my shirts are either too tight, too stretched out, have stains from two babies who love to puke, or simply out of fashion. I have one sweater that fits and it is hidious. It is -26 degrees out right now and I still don't have a winter jacket that fits properly. I know this sounds depressing, but it is the pit of many of thoughts during the day. I beat myself up alot about it, but on the flip side- I have two beautiful babies who smile at me and love me unconditionally. I have a husband who seemingly doesn't notice I have gained over 100 lbs since we've met and only mentions it when I am complaining about it. I know one of these days I have to buckle down and deal with my weight, if not for myself then for those three important people. But someone please tell me how...... how do I face my inner demons. The inner food voices. The uncontrolable urges. I need to know your secrets.
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8 comments:
Oh, Susie.
I used to be a "big girl"
I even did a post about what I do to stay thin:
My journey to fat and back
Hope this helps :)
I don't think it's secrets, rather choices. It's hard to constantly make those choices to benefit you and your body, but I feel it can only be you who chooses that.
It also really helps if you have a plan, like a certain thing to change each week and be really strict about that "thing" whether it be diet related or exercise related or something else. Find something you love doing to stay active. That always helps. I know with Dana you have support, so that's a huge plus, get him to help facilitate your actions. Whether it be only eating healthy, or going on family walks every day.
I doubt any of that helped, or even made sense, but I really feel the bottom line is it's YOUR choice, YOU need to make it. Good luck, e-mail or call if you need help or someone to talk to.
I agree with Kaili. I don't think its so much a secret or secrets as healthy choices. I see people in the office who want to be "healthy" instantly but, like I've said to them, how long did it take you to get to this point. Think about it, it wasn't just "boom" people are instantly overweight or boom their unfit, its the choices that have been made over time. A slip here a "oh, just this once" here, a "I can start tomorrow" there. Crap, I do it all the time! It takes a huge committment within to stay on the well-being path.
My issue with people is that they aren't "body aware", they aren't zeroing in on what their body is saying to them. I make choices based on how I feel, how my body feels whether its sluggish, whether its bloated, whether I'm tired, whether I have a headache etc. I take a look at what I've consumed, what I'm doing in my life, what I'm not doing etc. Also, I think people need to educate themselves to create a healthier lifestyle which involves, mental, physical, emotional and spiritual. If there's a "kink in the armour" a "symptom" will come to the surface, its being aware, introspective and being honest with ourselves that helps us move forward to becoming the "better us" we can become. Just my perspective.
I just wanted to wish you well on your journey...
I understand where you are coming from Susie, I know those emotions and thoughts all too well... It is a very difficult struggle, and the comments on living healthy are excellent advice :)
I like what Kaili and Sue both said. I think the best choice is a healthy lifestyle- lots of fruits, veggies and water. Excercise. Spiritual and mental health too.
best of luck on your journey Susie!
YOu know what Susie. I think you are beautiful no matter what you lool like on the outside. I have had the privelage of getting to know you over the last few months and I think you are so gorgoeus. I am one that does not look at the outer like the world thinks, but I look at the you, deep inside you. You are so pretty inside and out.
You also have to look at the gene pool. Mom was very over weight, as was her mother. Part of it was depsression. Both ate when depressed, part was attitude. Maybe part of your problem was me. I watched Mom diet and she was absolutely miserable and made everyone around her miserable as well. Because of that reason, I do not beleive in diets. If you have an active life, dieting is not the answer. You are a nursing Mom, chasing after 2 little ones all day. Watch your late night snacks, if you feel the need for something eat an apple, they burn up calories to digest. and they satisfy that sweet craving. and they are good for you. Do NOT beat yourself up, a beautiful spirit is also important and you definately have a beautiful spirit.
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