The Mommy Diairies... IDENTITY

I am reading this book with my Mothers of Preschoolers group and I thought I would share the process with my ever so few readers, as most of them are mothers or are one day going to be mothers. I believe we are all mothers at heart and always take moments when we are mothering a child, a spouse, a friend, a parent, or even a stranger. So I hope you find something in what I write, even if it is only to get to know me better.

This chapter was on identity and how many mothers struggle with who they after having children. We often put everyone before ourselves. "We celebrate our children's uniqueness with abandon, relishing each new feat of genius, every step of creative independace. We encourage them to chase their dreams, seek out ways to practice their talents and strengths, and enjoy their passions. Why is ot so hard to do the same for ourselves?" **Side note: I know their are some mothers who may not feel this way, but I feel that the large majority do. Many of the moms in my group could relate to this chapter.

At the end of the chapter filled with other mom's story on how they deal with their identity issues and how they learned to celebrate the woman they are, there are a list of questions that I will share my answers to with you. Please no judgement, I am just sharing my heart with you in hopes that you may get to know me better.

OWNING YOUR ADVENTURE:
1. WHAT SURPRIZED YOU THE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF ONCE YOU BECAME A MOTHER?

Three things surprised me. Number one was the amount of love that I had for this little sweet pea. In an instant, I would lay down my life for him and again with her. I was surprised by resilience. By the amount of sleep I actually needed. By the way my body changed to accomodate this little infant. And by my strength to endure such pain, challenges, and perseptions that came during and after child birth. And thirdly, how people, including myseld, viewed me differently.

2. DID YOU FIND PEOPLE LOOKED AT YOU DIFFERENTLY THAN BEFORE YOU A MOTHER?

Absolutely! I feel like I disappeared most of the time, and what was left was the kids. All people saw was the kids. No one saw me. Most of the time. Rarely someone would actually have a conversation with me about something other than the kids. But mostly it was about them. Which is ok to a point. I mean, I love talking about them too. They are the best kids alive no doubt :) But I am more than just my chiildren, I am a woman too. I will add that the one person who looked at me more fully, was my husband. There was a whole new level of appreciation from him. He knew I wasn't born to have babies, but rather they were a lovely addition to all our blessings as a married couple. I still feel that when he looks at me, he sees the woman behimd the mom. I am thankful for that.

3. HOW SO YOU FEEL YOU HAVE CHANGED SINCE MOTHERHOOD? HOW DO YOU FEEL YOU ARE THE SAME?

I feel like I have changed in the sense I am way less selfish. I have to be. It has become all about the children. And also my husband. Less about myself. That is ok, but I would like to learn how to find myself in there too. I am stronger since having children. More tolerant. Braver. Patient. But with myself, I have become reserved, less confident, and scared. If that makes any sense.

I feel like I am the same person under it all. I am creative, kind, compassionate, and outgoing. I love talking to others. I love learning about people, leadership, and virtually anything new. I am still that person under it all. I just don't always have the time or patience to let those qualities flow out of me.

4. ARE THERE PARTS OF YOURSELF YOU FEEL YOU'VE LOST AND YOU DEEPLY DESIRE TO REGAIN?

I have to admit that this chapter hit a chord. I have been searching probably since Kynan was born, for who I am and what my purpose is in this world. Not that having kids is not a purpose, I just don't believe that it is my soul purpose. I use to say when I was kid that I was going to change the world in some deep and meaningful way. I had no idea how. I mean, I am not an astronaut or a doctor. No major discovery will be made nor will I find some cure to some incurable disease, but I always thought it would be something. Now I look back on that and laugh thinking how nieve I was. But I would like to regain that enthusiasm. That hopefulness and drive. I find that now I am often fearful of the cost of what following my dreams would have on those around me. Financial, Emotionally, and most of all what if I failed?

5. HOW DO YOU DEFINE YOUR IDENTITY? BY YOUR KIDS? SPOUSE? CAREER?

Well, not surprising I usually identify myself first as a wife and then as a mom. Career? Ha! What career? I would like to get to the point where the first thing I think about is the fact that I am a child of God who was created specifically for a purpose. I was given specific talents and passions to help live out that purpose. But sadly I don't feel like I am there yet. If I were to be honest.

6. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT YOU WERE CREATED WITH AMAZING POTENTIAL AND WITH GIFTS ONLY YOU CAN BRING TO THE TABLE? IF NOT, WHAT'S HOLDING YOU BACK FROM EMBRACING THIS TRUTH?

I do believe in this statement, it just usually is not the first thing I think about. Mostly I think because I may not reach that full potential. So what is holding me back is fear. Fear is satan's way of holding us back from who we truly are and it is sometimes really hard to shake him out of my head.

Well, there it is. Bare all. Open and honest. I will leave you with an excert from the book.

"As women wired especially to live our own lives, one-of-a-kind creations tailor made for significant impact, we owe it to ourselves and our families to fiercly protect our core identities. Our legacies flow from them, and they are what touch and move our children intimately . Cultivate who you are; seek out way to grow and to stimulate your true self. No one else can fill your role; no one else is prepared so perfectly to love your family, mother your children, live your live. You got what it takes. It's time to get going."