I think this post will be a little bit of a vent because I have been holding this in and decided that I am positive (am hoping) that there are other moms who either feel the same way I do or at least understand. The comparison game is a fun (not really) game that most moms play, whether they admit to it or not. It's mainly...'my baby is better then yours' and quite truthfully it drives me crazy. For once I would like moms to be honest about how they are feeling and what they are faced with on a daily basis. We all have our moments and no one is perfect... not even our precious children.
I will be the first to confess.... Kynan is not potty trained, only just learned his alphabet and even at that he just sings it and muffles the letters together, he eats a little too much sugar and watches way too much TV. Ava doesn't sleep through the night and I have resorted to giving her pablum as it seems to be the only thing that keeps her sleeping for more than 2 hours. She spends only about 30 minutes a day on her belly and the rest of the time she is in her exersaucer, swing, on her back on a mat, or in her highchair. I rarely hold her for long periods of time for several reasons. First and fore most, she is not a cuddler and likes her own space. And between chores, renos and chasing Kynan- there isn't much more time left in the day. As for me, there is so many imperfections about myself to list (we are always harder on ourselves). For instance, I still have not lost my baby weight from Kynan and to be honest I really haven't tried. I like food, especially sweets and my waste line shows it. I am not the best cook, baker, launderer, ect.... I am not always the best mom and I am certainly not always the best wife. I use to be super positive about everything, but in the last few years I have developed an attitude and am cynical about certain things. I wish that I had good routine with the kids where they got craft, story, and outside time regularly. I wish that Kynan only watched a half an hour of TV a day. And I wish I weighed even 160 lbs and had a golden tan. But all of these things are just not reality for us. I am imperfect. I'm not saying I don't strive for all these things, I do, but sometimes we just have to be happy with what we are doing otherwise we will go crazy.... comparing.
I do have some good moments and characteristics, but this post not about that. Because we all have and flaunt the good things whenever we play the game.
The last few weeks have been a haze for me and to be honest I still have to wake up and make a mental note to myself to be happy. I have been depressed (scary word), but it's the truth. I have been temperamental to say the least. And very uninterested in 'mothering'. I know that sounds bad, but it happens. I wanted to write this post in case there were any other moms out there that feel like they are the worst mom ever. I am here to say you are not alone and the best way to fight the comparison game is .... HONESTY.
There it is.... my venting post. Sorry if I offended anyone, but I certainly feel better now. I have confessed to the world I am a bad mom and it is liberating.
9 comments:
I LOVE venting, and I do compare, it's nature.
If you need an help in getting a routine going or just feel like e-mailing to vent or calling to do the same, feel free to.
You are way too hard on yourself. No mother is perfect, no kid is perfect. Every child has flaws in their charactoer but that is part of what makes them unique. Kynan is not yet 3, but is still smart as a whip. The potty training is really up to him. He may be stubborn or just not yet ready. Every child will potty train in their own time. The time management will come with practice. I swear after you were born until you were at least a year old, I lived in a fog. I did not even know who or where I was. But it all came back, and oh ya I'm in Summerland and my hubby is in Hinton, Alberta, working. don't compare yourself to other mothers. They may look organized on the outside, but they are struggling inside, just like yourself. Your kids love you, your husband loves you, your siblings love you, and we love you. When you have love, everything else will fall into place.
LOVE YOU LOTS
I know it isn't the same because I don't have kids yet, but I have similar feelings with life... my place is rarely as clean and organized as I would like it to be, I would love to lose weight (and I don't even have an excuse, like I just had a baby), and I feel like I am going through the motions with full time work... I am far from perfect and it can seem that others have it together so much more than I do, but I am doing my best, and I do improve... Susan, I think you are a spectacular mother and I can only hope I will do as good of a job as you are doing as a parent... love you *hugs*
Just wanted to send you my love. So, here it is... LOVE
I don't dust.
Or iron clothes.
I hate swearing skirts because I have weird knees.
I steal treats from Abby. My mom made her a caramel apple and I snuck into my room and ate it all.
Abby also watches too much t.v.
My forehead is too short.
I often forget to brush Abby's teeth.
I bite my nails and I sometimes get sweat stains under my arms.
I don't exercise, go to the eye doctor or dentist.
None of us are perfect or do everything we should. We try our best, love our best and live our best.
For what it's worth, I think you are a good wife, momma and friend!
I love your honestly! We all get chastised too too often from society for the many things that we "should" be doing according to society.
Who is this "society" that we try to live up to?
We as human beings have this "self-sabotage" built right in and when you throw "societies thoughts" into the mix - holy crap its any wonder we get out of bed every day.
I know I'm not helping, just my own two-bits worth. Just letting ya know, I hear ya and I feel your imperfection as well in myself. Thank goodness we have a lifetime to "do better" according to "us"!
And remember there are those days when you are allowed to say "Bite Me!" to society and be a hermit for a day. :)
A bad mom you are not, Susie.
It's OK to feel down and unmotivated. You'll come up again, just ride it out.
I'll take a cue from Jen and list some of my faults:
I have not cleaned my bathroom in 2 weeks.
Instead of going out for a walk with Avelyn this morning I made her watch TV for a while so I could blog.
I too chew my fingernails. Until they bleed.
There is ugly 70's wallpaper in my basement that hasn't been taken down and we've lived in this house over 4 years.
I haven't mopped the floor in a month.
There. :)
I was just catching up on your blog and just wanted to say that I think you're a great mom, wife and friend. I don't have the pleasure of living life with you, but every post you write shows your heart and it's a big one, busting at the seams with love, way too much love for you to hold in, and it's awesome to watch it spill all over your family.
This totally came out in my Bible study this week...one mom basically spit it out there that in fact she wasn't doing fine, she had just finished fighting with her hubby in the car, she was stressed out due to their financial situation, she didn't feel like her kids needed her etc. etc. and we all sat there slightly stunned, but also applauded her honesty. I think it becomes a bit of a pride thing, to make it look as though you have it all together, even when you don't. We are getting better as a generation (cuz my parents wore the mask even more so) at letting people know how we actually are feeling and asking for help. I appreciate what you said in helping those of us other stressed moms out there, feel normal!!
My confessions...I iron about once a year, I haven't taken my kids to the dentist yet (as I hate going too!), I am out-of-shape, I don't give much time to my hubby at all because I'm much too tired after dealing with the 3 boys, and I yell on occasion. Ha. That's just the start of it. No one is perfect, that's for sure.
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