Just Be...

Yesterday, I had a fantastic "adult" visit with our good friends from Kelowna. I say "adult" because whenever we see them, we usually have the kids, but last night we were fortunate enough to leave the kids at home. Thanks mom and dad! I love visiting Steve and Chels because I let down my guard and just be. I am who I want to be and who I feel I am. I am not worried about feeling judged, misunderstood, under appreciated, ect... All those insecurities fade and, again, I just be. I miss this feeling on an everyday basis. I think that is why I miss Regina so much, in addition to everything else. I felt that way in Regina too. But back here, I sometimes feel like I have to prove myself. Prove that I am good wife and a good mother. Prove that I am a good friend. Prove I am a good daughter or daughter/sister-in-law. These are all my own insecurities, and not because of any one person. I take accountability for my feelings. But I am finding it so hard to shake this uncertainty.

Take yesterdays post for example. It was in retaliation to the feelings I felt when I read a really close friend's blog and reacted. Maybe not in the best way, but I felt all my believes were being belittled, attacked, striked down. I know that is not the intention of my friend. I know her heart and of course she would never make me feel that way on purpose. So why then did I react that way. After talking to my Kelowna buddy, she offered a different perspective and allowed me to see my reaction in a new light. So Kaili, I am so sorry. I did over react. You and many of your readers know how I feel on marriage and I agree with one of your commentors in saying that I did feel a change after we got married. More cherished. More of a commitment. But I shouldn't have retaliated in the way I did. So again, I am sorry. And sorry to all our readers to have witnessed it, it may have been uncomfortable, entertaining, weird, ect.

So in the advice of many good friends, aunts, a step-mom, I am going to stop trying so hard and focus on just being. Being who I am and who I want to be. I know deep down inside I am a wonderful mom, wife, friend, sister, daughter, person. If people give me a chance they would see that and that is good enough for me. So this week, join with me. Let your insecurities go, and just be.