Empathize.

I have been reading alot of blogs lately saying good bye to a good friend who is moving the prairies. You know you are amazing person when the people around you seem to crumble at the thought of you leaving. I don't know this girl, amazingly well, but I do know her. And it is true that she will be missed even by me. She has such a glow about her. Her kindness, her love for the Lord, and her love for others glows off of her. She and her family truly are amazing people.

I empathize with her though because years ago she moved her, somewhere she had no family and maybe one friend, and made a life. A life she loved. Now, after making those bonds tighter than ever, she feels God calling her a new direction and she is moving 'home'. Closer to family and old friends. Which will be a great blessing too, but nothing can replace those she met here. As most of you know, I have had to do the very same thing recently too. I write alot about it because that is what seems to be on my mind most days. Moving 'home' is proving to be one of the hardest things that I ave ever had to do. I especially miss my good friend Teena. We saw each other almost everyday and those weeks when we didn't it felt like we hadn't seen each other in ages. We laughed, we cried, we vented, and we talked about the Lord. I always felt like I could be real with her. Be who I am. I completely let down my guard and just be. My heart broke and is still breaking ever since we left Regina. I think about, not only Teena, but all the other wonderful people in our lives who truly adopted us into their families. It seems like our whole church became our family out there. I physically feel pain in the chest whenever I think about what we left. I guess it hurts so much, because when we left Summerland we knew we would always have a bond here. We would always see our family and we would always remain connected. Leaving Regina was different in the sense that I am afraid of losing them. I have lost a piece of them. That everyday connection that I loved so much, but they are still here. Emailing, facebooking, calling. I just hunger for that everyday connection too.

I found myself in Regina. I found the Lord too. I was more at peace with the world and who I am more than ever before. I don't feel that here and I know it will take time. The other day I found myself sobbing in front of some family and I felt exposed. I am always trying to stay strong, reasonable, likeable in front of them. I often focus so much and being all those things that I lose who I am. I was sobbing in front of them, crying out for comfort, encouragement, and love. I feel like I need an extra dose of those things lately.

My mother-in-law said to me that she would never blog because she feels like for her it is waste of good energy. I agree with that most of the time. I get stressed out by posts sometimes more because of my own insecurities, but I also am able to fully let it all out on this page. I don't get alot of comments so at times it feels like I can let it all out because no one ever reads it anyways. I know that's not true because alot of my readers and reading from afar and don't comment. But it is nice to sometimes let it all out. Right now it is the only place I feel like I can fully express myself and be me.

I don't know where I was going with this post, but that's pretty much all I have for today. My mother-in-law has a date with my sleeping angel and it's already 9:30 and she is still not out of bed. I guess I will have to wake her up. So for now I bid adew.