Missing Him Already

I was gonna post here about something that is happening over the next two months that is going to leave me very tired, drained, and lonely BUT then I thought of my MOPS meeting we had this morning and thought otherwise. Our MOPS meeting was about emergency, home, and internet safety. Mr. Gulak offered some great tips on internet safety and what to post and what not to post.... so let's just say... I already miss him and please pray for strength, energy, patience, and help.

Dear Dana

Today I was driving home and this song came on the radio. It made me think of you. And us. And the fifty (or more) years that we get to spend together. It made me think of all the reasons I love you.

It made me think of the times that we use to rent movies and sit on your mom's couch, eat ice cream, and talk. The times when I would stare at your house on the hill from my friends window and think to myself, "I'm gonna marry him one day" (before you even knew I wanted you). It made me think of our love story and how it has unfolded over the years. How many have had their doubts, but we had each other. Some thought that 16 was too young to fall in love and find forever, but I found it in you.

I love what you said to me when you knew it was forever..."infinity". Etched in my mind is the moment you stole my breath away with our first kiss. Little did you know that I actually had dreamed of that kiss every night for over a year before it actually happened. Our romance felt like a tornado fueled by passion. Feels like. I loved watching you hold baby Jalana, and knowing in my heart that one day you would be the father of my children. Little did I know (and still know) how many there would be ;)

I love that look at my with your adoring eyes and make me feel like the most beautiful woman that you have ever laid eyes on. Even when I don't think I am, you make me feel like I am. I love that you search for my hand when we walk side by side. I love that you feel like you have to protect me from people and situations. I love the way you pray for me everynight. I love when you are planning a surprise for me. You can't hide you excitement. While I may not know the exact details, I know something is coming... and I love that.

I love that we can laugh, cry, get angry, and feel passion all in one night. I know that forever means forever with you.

I love how you father our children. The strong man you are for our family. And for me. And even through my selfishness you love me. I love your heart. Your heart for others and for the world. If only people could glimpse what I see, they too would know how much they are loves. I love having God fearing husband who is not afraid of his faith. I love walking this journey of faith with you.

My heart is sick with love you. Even when I feel like there are a million things you could have done today to make me less mad at you... I love you. I can't stand to be mad at you. I love how that's ok with you. I love that you know me so well you can read me like a book. Better than I read myself.

You know instinctively what I need and when I need it. And while I may not always agree with you, you almost always are right.

I love that when faced adversity and people telling you that chose wrong, you still chose me. I will be forever grateful for that you have no idea.

I love you smile, the lines around your eyes, you freckles, your chest (hair and all). I love the gray hairs that are starting to speckle your profile. I love you smell.

I am so blessed to be able to spend eternity with. An eternity with someone who God designed specifically to compliment me in every way. Someone who will love me unconditionally, someone to laugh with, to cry with, someone to hold me, to protect me, to heal me, to uplift me. Someone to challenge me, to stretch me, to shape me, to guide me. Someone to love passionately. Selflessly. Carelessly. Completely.

I am blessed to be your wife. And I love you for infinity.

Love Me xoxox

There are moments...

There are moments that I look back on decisions made and events passed that have led us to here, and wonder what it would have been like...



What it would have been like if we chose to live near family. All that comes with it. The love and support with raising children, the relationships being formed in these little lives, the traditions celebrated and embraced, the moments... Those little ones where life happens.



This last week I have the 'ping' in my heart for family. I have wanted to just through the kids in the van for road trip. To play cards and talk with my mom, go for the Emu walk with Baba, to watch cousins play, and be surrounded by family.



We are so blessed where we live to be surrounded by friends who loves us and our kids. Who really have welcomed us into their homes and who loves us unconditionally... but there is something to be said about family, these people who God predestined us to be connected to for our entire lives. Regardless of geographical location, or marriage status, or even if you are 'liked'..... we are a family. There is something so beautiful about that.



I guess my goal in sharing this is that even though Dana and I chose to live at a distance and we are affirmed in that choice daily, we do wish to convey that love we hold for our dear family who loves us across prairies, over mountains, through foothills. You are missed very much and there are days we wish you were just a walk away.




God bless you.




Not much more I can say. Even as I type this, tears fill my eyes. Someone told me today that it is okay to miss 'home' and be happy here. But I DO miss you very much and long for the next time we will embrace.



I love this song! I feel like it is our entourage to our family. I hope you like it too.

My Little Ladybug

She is adventurous, fearless, confident, independent, gentle, happy, incredible little girl. She fills my day with laughter and love (and a few timeouts). She is the kind of girl, who loves to dress up like a princess, and once she is all dressed up she will throw her boots on and go jump in puddles. She sings in the car, brushes my hair, loves to paint and draw, and LOVES bugs. These are some shots of her in our garden (or should I say mud pit). She discovered a worm and was so fascinated with it. I am so proud of her and the little woman she is growing into. One look into her eyes and you just know she will stop hearts (Dana is already worried), but she has a heart of gold. She is my biggest challenge, but one I could not live without. I love her so very much and when she blesses you with a hug.... you literally melt.

What makes me drool???

Well, other than my husband ;) these muffins do.



Amanda posted on facebook that she was going to try the recipe and I had to do some baking for MOPS so I thought I would give them a whirl too. And whirl I did. These are the best muffins. I ate four in one sitting!!! Four! And then I stood up to get some more... LOL! If you love muffins as much as I do, this is a must have recipe for your collection. Check it out at Pioneer Woman (I totally love her site, one stop shop sorta blog).

I also was feeling very "Susie Homemaker" yesterday so I decided to make my all time favorite breakfast muffins, Good Morning Muffins. All in all it was a delicious day, but ask me if I got my laundry done? ..... I think you may know the answer.

A Night that is Noteworthy

It's Sunday and I have only gotten out of bed to pee, get Elijah from his crib when Dana didn't make it in time, a quick MOPS meeting on Saturday (which was hugely successful and I cannot wait for the retreat), AND this morning... I snuck out of bed to do some dishes and load the dishwasher. I can't stand it when things are left for Monday, and Dana was at church so no harm no foul. I feel rested and feel like I have gotten alot accomplished, strangely. Take for instance my blog. I, for the life of me, could never figure out how to change ANY settings. But on Friday I took some online tutorials and voila. I also edited some pictures and posted some "oldies" from Christmas on facebook.

As for the Nursing Honeymoon, things are slow going, but good. Elijah has been nursing more and more. And even last night, without prompting, he got up three times to nurse. Which sucks for the whole sleep deprivation, but is great for the milk supply. Not much has changed with the pumping content, but when he nurses he has milky lips which I feel is a start, right? He is still not fully satisfied and we have been "topping him up" with formula. But, we are going to try to continue this shindig the rest of the week (minus the bed thing.... not possible without Dana).

A side note on how I am feeling. I had a minor breakdown last night. I feel like I have been doing nothing but nursing and pumping all weekend. I feel deflated, literally. And a little like a failure. I know that breastfeeding is best, and that formula is not "Death potion" so if it came to having to give a him a bottle it's not the end of the world. But, for me, I would feel like I failed yet again. I feel like I let Ava down by not pursuing nursing with her and being more committed. And that it's happening again with Eli. On one hand it's crazy to me that us moms beat ourselves up over every little thing and if we don't do it a certain way, or like some other people, we feel like a less worthy mom. Because that isn't true. Every mom (that I know) does her best for her children with everything she has. Doesn't that make her a mom superhero? But then lingering on my other hand is all my plans, visions and dreams on what kind of mom I want to be. For the most part, I am those things. I play with my kids, teach my kids, we have fun, read more, watch TV less, play outside, make friends, we have an inviting home for other families/ kids, Dana is number one and the kids see that, and most importantly our children know that they are unique creations of God and designed for a purpose. They know they are a part of something much greater than ourselves..... so does it REALLY matter how my baby gets nourishment as long as he is healthy, and safe in my arms? A question I have been flipping between this weekend.

A Nursing Honeymoon

After having a delightful tea and play date with my good friend Jen yesterday, and sharing my woes of breastfeeding gone bad tales, she shared with me the idea of a "Nursing Honeymoon". For the last two months, we have been supplementing Elijah with formula (gasp) as I have felt like I have not had enough milk. And I know there are some mom's out there thinking, that is a common misconception; however, when your baby cries all night and you are only able to pump drops... and I do mean drops, then I believe it is a pretty accurate assumption. But my heart longs to nurse. I nursed my first born until he was 2 years or so, and had such a wonderful nursing relationship with him. When Ava came along, things started out the same blissful way, but the quickly digressed and I may have "given up" too soon with her. I don't want to do that with Ligey. I want to exhaust all avenues to bring my breast milk back up. I have been pumping for a week now, every two hours, and always offering the breast first to Elijah. With not much luck and still only drops in the bottle, I felt deflated. That is until Jen gave me this idea. So off Dana went last night to pick up Mother's Milk Tea from Groovy Mama, and Blessed Thistle and Fenugreek Seed from the Health store, along with tons of soup, tea, movies, magazines and Popsicles for a treat. The goal: to stay resting (in bed), nourished (eat well), hydrated (lots and lots of water.... and Popsicles ;), and most importantly nurse. Elijah and I have already reconnected with lots of skin on skin time, sniffing his baby scalp, and snuggles, giggles, and sleep. Even if this doesn't work to bring in my milk supply, it has been great reconnecting with Eli. So, maybe some of you mom's are wishing you would have thought of this, a whole weekend in bed being served and treated like a nursing goddess. I know! Thanks Jen! I am sure Dana loves you too.