Heels and a Mini Skirt

I just came home from a fabulous night out with the girls. I love fridays for this exact reason. Our Girls Nights are always so rejeuvinating and revitalizing. Tonight was just appies and a movie. We enjoyed good conversation over really good food. A new friend joined our table which was fabulous, and I am so enjoying getting to know her. I love these girls. I love woman in general. That may be a real riskay thing to post on the internet, but seriously, I find woman to be authentic and raw. We share intimate details about specific feminine issues openly with one another. We share frustrations we have with our spouses and in the same sentence gush over how much we can't live without them. We love connection so much that we linger at the table with our coats on just so we can talk one minute longer. I love it.

After dinner, we went to see a movie, "Morning Glory" with Rachael Adams. I haven't even seen a preview for this flick, and being that we don't have cable, I am pretty oblivious to most goings on in Hollywood. Well, I have to say I laughed through this entire movie and felt oddly connected to the main character. I have no idea why as she was a corporate woman climbing the tower of success with a dash of love interest. I think I felt a sense of longing. A longing for a little of her acknowledgment she received. Status, maybe? I am not sure, but maybe some other stay-at-moms or any woman for that matter can relate when I say sometimes I want be the one in the heels and mini-skirt running across the courtyard! As I write this I am wearing sport socks, stretch pants and a sweater. Typical attire for a mom at midnight. I think about my precious children tucked in bed, asleep, sweet sleep. I know that us moms should feel that we have the most important jobs in the world raising our babies and that our acknowlegments come from their smiles, their kisses, their handmade gifts. And trust me, when your daughter looks up at you and says she wants to be just like you, you feel like the most important person in the world AND a little overwhelmed by the sense of responsibility that brings. I DO love being a mom. It has brought me such joy and peace and confidence in myself. It has made me realise that I am so much more capable than what I think and my kids know it. I wonder though where this sense of urning comes from, and this sense that we are not 'good enough until' mentality comes from. As I perculated over these meandering thoughts (my attempt at sounding sophisiticated and intellegent, as I spell check away), the song that came over the radio was "In Christ Alone". Wow! Thank you Lord for that. To humble me and affirm me all at the same time. I realise that my worth does not come from the earthly status I recieve from a good paying job or even these little lives that I am shaping. Jobs will come and go and eventually evaporate, and these little lives are shaped by YOU through me, I am only the messenger, the assistant possibly. My worth comes from You. The one that "knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made." (Psalm 139:13). Another favorite verse, Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and pray to me, and I will listen to you." He will listen to me? The creator of the universe will listen to me and the thoughts on my heart? How blessed am I? How blessed are we? That we humbled and affirmed by our Father's promises? Tonight, I leave you with the chorus to "In Christ Alone".

"In Christ alone I place my trust. And find my glory in the power of the cross. In every victory, let it be said of me, my source of strength, my source of hope is Christ alone."

Here you go Backstreet Boys fans, here is Brian Littrell's version of the song. LOL.

A Haze

Lately I feel like I have been in one of these. Life seems to be increasing speed, no matter what I do to try and slow down. I have so much on the go. Whenever I think to myself, ok I will stop this so I can focus on this, a little birdie in my head says "WAIT!". And then thoughts flood in like, "Maybe this is what I should be doing" or "You could help someone by doing this" or "Opportunities will open by continuing with this".... And then I am back at square one. Feeling overwhelmed. Life seems to be overwhelming me lately. Here is a small list of what I have been up to: started Infinity Photography (and pretty much booked every weekend until mid November), cleaning houses (for extra money too), MOPS, Social Committee Chair (averages two events a month), Caregroup, Women's Study, Couple Study, Nursery, planning showers, Herbal Magic (doesn't seem like much, but I eat when I am stressed and am stressed out alot lately. not a good combo when trying to lose weight), and just life (kids, being a good mom, being a good wife, keeping up with the household chores, being a good friend, and on and on and on). Overwhelmed. And possibly sinking. I feel like I am on the verge of tears or a breakdown all last week. And this week, just when I thought "You can handle this Susie. You got this." I get sick. Argh! I guess now I am bridging over to venting, but when do you know it's too much or when you need to push yourself? And how do you know what to let go and what you should hold on to? Questions I am struggling with lately. Feelings of being a bad mom, "I should be doing more with the kids, teaching, guiding, having fun". I should be doing more as wife, "cooking, cleaning, loving, encouraging". Is it okay to be doing these things for me when other areas seem to need more attention (the pile of laundry in my basement). How do you balance your life and make these life balancing decisions? Bless me with your insight, your thoughts. How do you do it?

I Promise To...

On Monday, Dana and I celebrated our 7th Wedding Anniversary (and eleven years together). I thought long and hard about what I wanted to get Dana as a wedding gift. With little to no money in our bank account (mostly no money), and the day approaching fast, I was a little stumped. But then I started thinking about my vows to him that I said seven years ago, and it was so simple.

"I promise to encourage you in the man you are and want to become."

Dana and I got married when we were still fairly young and I purposely put that vow in there knowing that as we "grew-up" we would change. Our values may change slightly, but most certainly our dreams would change as we grow into the adults we wanted to be. Dana proved that over the last three years as he has dug deeper into his faith and searched for purpose in his life. For those of you who knew Dana when he was younger, you would definitely see a change. I remember when we first started dating, he was a skater from the coast that drove an 80's Regal pimped out with hydrolics. We would cruz Summerland Main Street pumping those babies.... ok, well Dana cruised, I cowered. I would sink so far into the passenger seat I would feel at one with the floor. But his smile beamed, he was full of ambition, and had this amazing heart for people. How could I not fall in love?

Dana has gone through several "dreams" since we have been together. From being a skate board manufacturer, a car salesman, and to his current occupation as an electrician. Diverse, eh? That's my man. He has this thirst for knowledge and experience that I truly admire. He is the only one I know that can head a manual on how to rebuild an engine and then do it. But, I am loosing track here, let's get to the point.

Since moving to the prairies, I have seen a light turn on in Dana that truly glows. He is hungry. Hungry for knowledge, for perspective, for the Lord. He has been feeling this inner conflict lately that has him a little dis trot. I truly believe since moving back here, God has been teaching us abundant messages. Many to lead us up to...... service. Serving the Kingdom of God, serving people, serving with love. So when my idea came in my head for his anniversary gift, I was both super excited and scared.

The gift: A Day in the Life of a Student at Briercrest College and Seminary

We headed out for the day, to talk to academic advisers, financial aid advisers, sat in on a class, ate in the cafeteria, toured the facilities, and even looked at the housing offered to young families. We talked to professors, students, and alumni. We talked about academic requirements concerned that Dana may have to take some upgrading courses, but we were assured that his GED is enough and then the pr rep said, "Actually home-schooled students tend to excel and have a strong work ethic as they have been doing their whole lives." (That one's for you Carleen for raising and teaching such an incredibly smart man and giving him this advantage) Every time I looked at Dana he looked elated. Truly he was glowing. And truthfully so was I. I could see our family melding into the community out there, I could see Dana excelling academically, I could see our kids making friends easily. We left feeling high on possibility. Of course, I was thinking this years down the road when Dana is done is journeyman's ticket, but one never knows what God has in store.

I am so proud of Dana, the man he was, the man he is, and the man he is growing to be. I can't believe that in a few years time, Dana will possibly be working towards a degree or even his masters! My cup has runneth over with love him and the God that created him.

"I promise to encourage you in the man you are and want to become."

And here we go...

HM Update

So I am onto my fifth week on the program, I have dropped from my original weight to 262.1 lbs. as of today and have shred 5" from all over my body. My jeans are fitting looser already and I feel good! The program is getting easier and easier. I am craving less and less. And when I do cheat, which I try really hard not to, I feel it afterward. Which tells me that my body must like the new change. Dana is even starting to see a noticeable change and for him to say something isn't just him loving me if you know what I mean. If he says it, it's true, he has that blunt honesty about him that allows me to take him for his word. LOL. I have been trying some interesting new recipes, but so far my favorite is crispy chicken nuggets, salmon salad with honey mustard dressing, and Susie's dessert concoction (which is made with a combination of yogurt, low fat pudding, frozen berries, and graham cracker crust). It's amazing what you will do to eat a little dessert. And that's that.

5 Lbs. Lighter

Well, two days late this week for Weight Loss Wednesdays. Not sure the Wednesdays are working out. Maybe it should be called Weight Loss "When I get a free Second". Anywho, this week went well. Not great. No major weight loss. I maintained the 5 pounds from last week. BUT I dropped 2' around my waist and inches off various other parts so I am SO excited for that. I can't wait until I start dropping dress sizes. I only wish you could speed up the process. I have been told there is one way, and it mocks me from across the room just beckoning me to ride it.... the elliptical. Exercise. I use to love playing soccer and keeping fit and now at the end of the day I just want to go to sleep. Actually, any part of the day I could sleep given the opportunity. SO there is where I am this week, on track, but trying to get the motivation to hit the gym sorta speak and resist the all mighty temptation.... greasy McDonalds. I miss their fries. True story.

One Day Late

No not that! Heavens no! One day late for my new series!

WEIGHT LOSS WEDNESDAYS

I am starting on this journey and seriously committing myself to losing 100 lbs. in one year, so by this time next year I will be back to my high school self. That's the plan anyways. So to start off this post, I am going to be brave and post some before and after shots. Here we go, no snickers!

Full Frontal ... LOL!



Side to Side!




So here is what has gone on this week. I started 'Herbal Magic' on Monday and Tuesday the work began. I know some people have not so good about opinions about Herbal Magic, but I looked into it myself and feel confident that this is the avenue for me. So Monday, I registered, and yes it was a bit of an investment, but some would say worth the investment. The commitment? One year weight loss program, one year maintenance. Herbal Magic believes in teaching their clients to eat 'real food' (or grocery bought non-processed food), coaching and accountability, and natural supplements. There are two roads to go with HM, one is the bars and shakes, the other is supplements. I decided to go for the bars and shakes for two reasons. The first, I love food. The second, it's cheaper. I have one bar and one shake a day, while also monitoring my diet very closely and using the Canada Food Guide to help with portion control. I also have to increase my water intake, eat no sugar, and no canned food or salt. So I have been eating the best I have ever eaten in years. And oddly enough, not feeling starving as I thought I would. When I start to feel hungry, and I have already consumed my meal or snack, I drink a glass of water and it passes. My coach says that often we eat because we are thirsty and most people are severely dehydrated. And that's the other part of this road to success, is that I have to go in for coaching. To start off with, I have to go everyday for two weeks. And then after, three times a week. Some people would find this a hassle, but I honestly am so grateful for the accountability, the fresh food ideas, and encouragement this brings to the program. The girls who work here are simply wonderful and so understanding. They work with you to plan your meals so it works for you. I have gotten so many ideas on how to beat cravings; such as, make your protein shake into a smoothie with fruit and non-fat yogurt OR even pudding by using half the water. Still just as creamy as the regular stuff, but not cheating. Also, by cutting up my protein bar and putting it in the fridge, I get a chewy chocolate treat whenever the craving hits. These tips have definitely helped as I am a major sweat-a-holic. So every Wednesday they take measurements, too many to keep track, but every week I will share my running tally. And every visit they weigh in and cheer "woo-hoo" if you drop. At first I thought this was kinda of cultish, but now I think it's kinda great that you have a whole office cheering for you.

So to end my first Weight-Loss Wednesday post my starting weigh-in and where I am today.

Starting: 274.5 lbs.
Today: 268.7

Total Loss to Date: 5.8 lbs.

The Beginning

After a very long drive from Medicine Hat, AB to Summerland, BC we arrived safely and very tired at my parents house. The start of a very busy vacation. We spent the first few days with my family, eating, visiting, playing cards. I love this shot of Elijah, it's like he is saying "Papa, you're number one!"



I love that my parents like playing cards. I am little bit card crazy. I love playing cards. ALL THE TIME. It was great relaxing, laughing, and chatting over a game.



We then went to Keremeos to visit with the whole Family Clan at my Aunt's Winery (which is so amazing). I can close my eyes and see when it's all done, bustling with business as the customers flock to this hidden treasure.

It was delicious food and great company. And surprisingly no one got wet... Uncle Bob never pulled out the big guns. But the cousins played...



Crazy Great Auntie's Cuddled... I love this picture of my Auntie Gerry!



And of course, the guest of honor, my Grandma. It was her birthday and she celebrated with all eight great grandchildren at her feet. So amazing to me that our kids will have that memory with their great Grandma. So awesome!



I have lots more pictures to share, so stay tunned. I have to do this in parts.

He Beat Me to the Punch!

Dana posted some videos of the kids. Check them out here and here. You are going to LOVE them!

Summer Frenzie!

I have abandoned blogging and all things indoor and fled to the outside. In between rain storms, the kids and I run to water parks, beaches, backyards for a bit of summer fun. We have been so busy and have a crazy summer still ahead. But I love it. I have been meaning to blog about several adventures and spectacular moments we have had so far this summer, but to find the time and the time to sit and wait for slogger blogger to upload pictures.... well to say the least it ain't going to happen. But a few highlights in a few words maybe...

Kynan and Ava played soccer this spring and ended their season with a tournament. Due to Family Craziness, we could only do one tournament so Ava had to forfeit her field time. Don't worry folks. I highly doubt she missed it. Every game was like dragging led foot godzilla on the field only to watch her catch ladybugs. No. It was much more fun to cheer on her big brother as he progressed from the semi-finals to the finals and finally won the tournament complete with trophy and pictures. All this was accomplished with only one small lecture on doing your best ALL the time, when Kynan faked an injury to come off the field saying that the coach told them they would get a trophy even if they lose. Oh sorry, did I say small lecture, I meant big. But it payed off because he marched back on the field, got an assist, cheered for his team, and came off feeling like he really contributed. God is good at teaching us life lessons isn't he.

And then there was our Family Camping Trip which turned into a hotel trip when we realized that we were literally getting eaten alive by bugs. An hour after setting up our site the kids were scratching and crying to go home. But again God saved the day when our dear friends who were with us recommended staying at a hotel with a water slide which ended up being the kids highlight of the trip. We did venture back to the beach the next day, where we spent the day lounging the sun, eating sand, and burying the kids (as octopus and a mermaid). Again, pictures would really help tell this story, but maybe later.

Since then we have had an impromptu visit to the spa one rainy afternoon, and a great excursion to the beach for greasy fish and chips (so yummy). It's been a fabulous summer so far with only more fun on the horizon. Here on the prairies, we have really learned how to maximize our summers if you know what I mean.

"I Know Mommy"

Last night after tirelessly trying to put Ava to bed, we thought we had success. So, I curled up in my bed with a snack and a movie and finally began to relax for the day. Not even a moment later a sleepy head with tangled curls poked her head in my door and with a sheepish grin asked what I was watching.




Rather than being frustrated, which would have been a usual response if I was telling the truth, I smiled and invited her in for a late night movie date. I love our dates. They usually spontaneous and very special. Well, as I was stroking her hair, I was feeling incredibly blessed to be her mom and whispered in her ear, "You are beautiful, Ava"



She smiled back and said, "I know mommy" So matter-of-factly, so confidently, like I was so silly stating something so obvious. I love her confidence and determination. It is my prayer that her confidence stays with her as she grows into a girl and eventually a young woman. God created her perfectly in every way and because she is beautiful. I love you my beautiful girl.

It's My Party

On Saturday, we celebrated Ava's Birthday with a Cupcake Party. Girls came over decorated cupcakes, ate icing, wore adorable aprons, and sang songs. Ava was in her glory shoveling as much icing and candies into her mouth before anyone realized that her cupcakes were undecorated. She had a blast and it's hard to believe now that my little girl is 3! She even seems bigger in these last few days. And, yes, I shed a little tear when she mounted her "Big Girl Bike". Happy Birthday Cupcake!

As Sweet As Can Be...

Ava Lily is three!

I can't believe three years ago, we welcomed your little soul into the world, into our family and into our hearts. You have blessed us beyond measure in your short little life. You make us giggle, you challenge us, you warm our hearts, you make us better parents, you bring joy to our family.

There is so much to say, but no words to say it. I could talk endlessly about how you have changed our lives and what an amazing little girl you are. Instead, may I wish you a sweet and wonderful third Birthday. Know that you are loved (now I am going to run back up stairs for the 5th time tonight and "try" to get you to go to bed. Lord help me!)

Praying for Timing

It was two years ago that we bought this beautiful lot in Summerland BC with big plans to build and start a life where I grew up. Plans quickly changed when our hearts changed and we felt called back to Regina. Called and now waiting. Waiting for several things. Waiting for Dana to complete school. Waiting for our lot to sell in Summerland. Waiting for God to reveal his plans for us here. Waiting.

I do feel like we were led back here for a reason and we have been so blessed since following that call. All of our prayers have been validated through relationships, scripture and prayers. We have confidence in the Lord that we are where He wants us to be. But know let's jump back to this lot....

Why hasn't the lot sold. Some have told us it is because that God will sell when it is in His timing and it will be for some grand reason. Others have blamed the market. Either way, I wish I could say I am a patient woman, but I need to exhaust all possibilities in order to rest. So if you know of anyone who is interested in building, relocating, or even in a project.... please leave your email in my comment box and I will send you all the particulars. Or check out this link, and read it for yourself. Paradise is only a click away.... LOL.

I will get off my sales pitch now... thanks for humoring me.

Singlehood

So I never realized how much work is involved with being a single mama. Since Dana has left for school, I have gotten just a taste of single-hood and it tastes bitter. I had these grandeur plans of sewing and scrapbooking in the evening and playing with the kids during the day. Keeping up on my chores and maintaining an orderly home. And capturing memories watching my children joyfully play soccer in the evening. Of course, this is not the case. I have done NO sewing or scrapbooking in the evening. Instead I frantically try and run around and clean up from the day. Dishes, check. Counters, check. Floors, check. Toys, check. Laundry..... do later. The orderly home only happens because I do it when the kids are asleep. Then when 9:30-10pm hits, it's off to bed as morning comes early in our home. And joyfully watching the kids play soccer??? HA! Ava goes limp whenever she crosses the white line on the field. She is far too interested in the lady bugs and what Kynan is doing to chase after some dumb ball. She was even right in front of the net, wide open and a teammate passed to her. She didn't even look up. The ball, and the entire team, passed her by and she was still looking at the ground (probably for ladybugs). This would all be fine, cute and a wonderful part of growing up, IF I didn't have Eli crying in the backpack because he is just so tired OR Kynan running off with who knows who going who knows where. An hour soccer commitment quickly turns into an eternity of H-E- 'double hockey sticks'. But there are things I have enjoyed: a bed to myself (Well not entirely, Kynan sneaks in with me but at least he doesn't snore), being able to watch movies and shows that only I really like, cooking what I want, and not really worrying about what I look like (I like to dress up for my man... when I can). And I have enjoyed having the kids all to myself. They really have taken the adjustment rather well and I am so proud of their 'helping out' attitude. {It's all a facade. I HATE it and I desperately want my husband home} So all in all.... only 6 more weeks and 2 and a half more hours to go. Does anyone have a time portal?

Missing Him Already

I was gonna post here about something that is happening over the next two months that is going to leave me very tired, drained, and lonely BUT then I thought of my MOPS meeting we had this morning and thought otherwise. Our MOPS meeting was about emergency, home, and internet safety. Mr. Gulak offered some great tips on internet safety and what to post and what not to post.... so let's just say... I already miss him and please pray for strength, energy, patience, and help.

Dear Dana

Today I was driving home and this song came on the radio. It made me think of you. And us. And the fifty (or more) years that we get to spend together. It made me think of all the reasons I love you.

It made me think of the times that we use to rent movies and sit on your mom's couch, eat ice cream, and talk. The times when I would stare at your house on the hill from my friends window and think to myself, "I'm gonna marry him one day" (before you even knew I wanted you). It made me think of our love story and how it has unfolded over the years. How many have had their doubts, but we had each other. Some thought that 16 was too young to fall in love and find forever, but I found it in you.

I love what you said to me when you knew it was forever..."infinity". Etched in my mind is the moment you stole my breath away with our first kiss. Little did you know that I actually had dreamed of that kiss every night for over a year before it actually happened. Our romance felt like a tornado fueled by passion. Feels like. I loved watching you hold baby Jalana, and knowing in my heart that one day you would be the father of my children. Little did I know (and still know) how many there would be ;)

I love that look at my with your adoring eyes and make me feel like the most beautiful woman that you have ever laid eyes on. Even when I don't think I am, you make me feel like I am. I love that you search for my hand when we walk side by side. I love that you feel like you have to protect me from people and situations. I love the way you pray for me everynight. I love when you are planning a surprise for me. You can't hide you excitement. While I may not know the exact details, I know something is coming... and I love that.

I love that we can laugh, cry, get angry, and feel passion all in one night. I know that forever means forever with you.

I love how you father our children. The strong man you are for our family. And for me. And even through my selfishness you love me. I love your heart. Your heart for others and for the world. If only people could glimpse what I see, they too would know how much they are loves. I love having God fearing husband who is not afraid of his faith. I love walking this journey of faith with you.

My heart is sick with love you. Even when I feel like there are a million things you could have done today to make me less mad at you... I love you. I can't stand to be mad at you. I love how that's ok with you. I love that you know me so well you can read me like a book. Better than I read myself.

You know instinctively what I need and when I need it. And while I may not always agree with you, you almost always are right.

I love that when faced adversity and people telling you that chose wrong, you still chose me. I will be forever grateful for that you have no idea.

I love you smile, the lines around your eyes, you freckles, your chest (hair and all). I love the gray hairs that are starting to speckle your profile. I love you smell.

I am so blessed to be able to spend eternity with. An eternity with someone who God designed specifically to compliment me in every way. Someone who will love me unconditionally, someone to laugh with, to cry with, someone to hold me, to protect me, to heal me, to uplift me. Someone to challenge me, to stretch me, to shape me, to guide me. Someone to love passionately. Selflessly. Carelessly. Completely.

I am blessed to be your wife. And I love you for infinity.

Love Me xoxox

There are moments...

There are moments that I look back on decisions made and events passed that have led us to here, and wonder what it would have been like...



What it would have been like if we chose to live near family. All that comes with it. The love and support with raising children, the relationships being formed in these little lives, the traditions celebrated and embraced, the moments... Those little ones where life happens.



This last week I have the 'ping' in my heart for family. I have wanted to just through the kids in the van for road trip. To play cards and talk with my mom, go for the Emu walk with Baba, to watch cousins play, and be surrounded by family.



We are so blessed where we live to be surrounded by friends who loves us and our kids. Who really have welcomed us into their homes and who loves us unconditionally... but there is something to be said about family, these people who God predestined us to be connected to for our entire lives. Regardless of geographical location, or marriage status, or even if you are 'liked'..... we are a family. There is something so beautiful about that.



I guess my goal in sharing this is that even though Dana and I chose to live at a distance and we are affirmed in that choice daily, we do wish to convey that love we hold for our dear family who loves us across prairies, over mountains, through foothills. You are missed very much and there are days we wish you were just a walk away.




God bless you.




Not much more I can say. Even as I type this, tears fill my eyes. Someone told me today that it is okay to miss 'home' and be happy here. But I DO miss you very much and long for the next time we will embrace.



I love this song! I feel like it is our entourage to our family. I hope you like it too.