It's Sunday and I have only gotten out of bed to pee, get Elijah from his crib when Dana didn't make it in time, a quick MOPS meeting on Saturday (which was hugely successful and I cannot wait for the retreat), AND this morning... I snuck out of bed to do some dishes and load the dishwasher. I can't stand it when things are left for Monday, and Dana was at church so no harm no foul. I feel rested and feel like I have gotten alot accomplished, strangely. Take for instance my blog. I, for the life of me, could never figure out how to change ANY settings. But on Friday I took some online tutorials and voila. I also edited some pictures and posted some "oldies" from Christmas on facebook.
As for the Nursing Honeymoon, things are slow going, but good. Elijah has been nursing more and more. And even last night, without prompting, he got up three times to nurse. Which sucks for the whole sleep deprivation, but is great for the milk supply. Not much has changed with the pumping content, but when he nurses he has milky lips which I feel is a start, right? He is still not fully satisfied and we have been "topping him up" with formula. But, we are going to try to continue this shindig the rest of the week (minus the bed thing.... not possible without Dana).
A side note on how I am feeling. I had a minor breakdown last night. I feel like I have been doing nothing but nursing and pumping all weekend. I feel deflated, literally. And a little like a failure. I know that breastfeeding is best, and that formula is not "Death potion" so if it came to having to give a him a bottle it's not the end of the world. But, for me, I would feel like I failed yet again. I feel like I let Ava down by not pursuing nursing with her and being more committed. And that it's happening again with Eli. On one hand it's crazy to me that us moms beat ourselves up over every little thing and if we don't do it a certain way, or like some other people, we feel like a less worthy mom. Because that isn't true. Every mom (that I know) does her best for her children with everything she has. Doesn't that make her a mom superhero? But then lingering on my other hand is all my plans, visions and dreams on what kind of mom I want to be. For the most part, I am those things. I play with my kids, teach my kids, we have fun, read more, watch TV less, play outside, make friends, we have an inviting home for other families/ kids, Dana is number one and the kids see that, and most importantly our children know that they are unique creations of God and designed for a purpose. They know they are a part of something much greater than ourselves..... so does it REALLY matter how my baby gets nourishment as long as he is healthy, and safe in my arms? A question I have been flipping between this weekend.
