To be truthful, I am feeling I need to post an update, but am unsure what to write. There are so many thoughts rambling up in my mind, and not one is striking as more important than the other. So I thought I would do a mind dump on you. Feel free to read on, or not... No pictures on this post as I cannot find my camera charger. Urgh!

The first thought... Ava seems to be growing up so fast. We went to Amazing Adventures the other day with a good friend. It's a play place, but also has Gymnastic Lessons there. Ava practically jumped the fence to join the little pre-school class. After, I talked with the instructor and she watched Ava climb over the play structure. She said that Ava would be great at Gymnastics and appears to be very ready. Since that conversation, Ava has been a little acrobat. Climbing over everything, jumping from couches, doing head stands, tight rope walking on my legs. So I think Gymnastics is in her near future. She also can count to three! She stands on my legs, and says "One, two, three... go!" and then free falls into my arms. Ava is very strong willed and at times can be challenging, but there are moments that I see her determination and strength as such great qualities. I love that her little personality is unfolding and with every new day something new emerges from her.

Kynan, on the other hand, is proving to be a little more of a deaf boy lately. Meaning he is not listening EVER! It seems like I have to ask a million times for him to do something before he even flinches. It is getting so frustrating. And he is starting to lie. I mean, I watched him rip apart the Sears Wishbook and when I asked him what happened to it he blamed Ava. If I hadn't watched him from the other room I would have believed it too. The other night we had a new babysitter watch the kids, who he told he was allowed to stay up as late as he wants and this mommy said it was ok. Before leaving the house earlier that evening, I specifically told Kynan to listen to Joelle and go to bed when told. I'm not really sure how to stop this behavior and am feeling a little lost. Kynan is usually so well behaved, but these are new phenomenons that have me bewildered.

Something that I have been thinking alot about lately, has been my deceased nephew, Calvin. Today I was driving in the car and a song came on the radio and I started to think of him and cry. Yesterday, I talked to my mom and she threw out some ideas on what she would like to do. She told me she was going to write a letter to let out some of those feelings we can't or don't talk about. It made me think that I don't really feel like I have properly mourned or let go of him. This sounds so strange because I never knew Calvin. I only ever saw him in his tiny white casket. But I can remember feeling him kicking Margaret's belly, sewing blankets for him, and decorating his nursery getting so excited to meet him and his sister. And now, I never will. The funeral is over, and I am thousands of miles away from his mom and dad and yet I still feel pain for them. Pain for him. Pain for my heart. So when do you get over a death? Or do you? Do you just learn to live with this memory? I know that Calvin is living his eternal life with Jesus, and what a beautiful life he will have in heaven. But I still miss him and think of him all the time. Little things remind me of him. And I wish he was here. My friend today said that I am at peace over where he is, but it doesn't take away from the anticipation or excitement we all had to meet him. That made sense to me....

With days to go before Christmas, Dana and I have been talking alot about the true meaning of Christmas. Especially where the kids are concerned. I am excited to see that Kynan is really into Christmas this year, knowing to write a list, that Santa is coming, getting excited over the tree and snow. However, sometimes I think that all that "stuff" overpowers the real purpose. How do we stop that from happening? On Christmas eve we are going to a friends house for a birthday party. No gifts, just cake. And a whole lot of thankfulness and love. We watched the Nativity Story with Kynan and Ava and have been reading stories. Kynan's preschool has been talking about the shepherds and wise man. But with all the Christmas hype around, do they truly understand this miracle? The birth of Christ. What a marvelous and incredible gift. I know this Christmas we will be spending alot of time reflecting on this and I hope you are able to too.

Well, that's it for now. My mind dump. Sorry if you fell asleep. I better go and be a good mom. Kynan's been asking for a snack for 10 minutes....

Merry Christmas!