A Haze

Lately I feel like I have been in one of these. Life seems to be increasing speed, no matter what I do to try and slow down. I have so much on the go. Whenever I think to myself, ok I will stop this so I can focus on this, a little birdie in my head says "WAIT!". And then thoughts flood in like, "Maybe this is what I should be doing" or "You could help someone by doing this" or "Opportunities will open by continuing with this".... And then I am back at square one. Feeling overwhelmed. Life seems to be overwhelming me lately. Here is a small list of what I have been up to: started Infinity Photography (and pretty much booked every weekend until mid November), cleaning houses (for extra money too), MOPS, Social Committee Chair (averages two events a month), Caregroup, Women's Study, Couple Study, Nursery, planning showers, Herbal Magic (doesn't seem like much, but I eat when I am stressed and am stressed out alot lately. not a good combo when trying to lose weight), and just life (kids, being a good mom, being a good wife, keeping up with the household chores, being a good friend, and on and on and on). Overwhelmed. And possibly sinking. I feel like I am on the verge of tears or a breakdown all last week. And this week, just when I thought "You can handle this Susie. You got this." I get sick. Argh! I guess now I am bridging over to venting, but when do you know it's too much or when you need to push yourself? And how do you know what to let go and what you should hold on to? Questions I am struggling with lately. Feelings of being a bad mom, "I should be doing more with the kids, teaching, guiding, having fun". I should be doing more as wife, "cooking, cleaning, loving, encouraging". Is it okay to be doing these things for me when other areas seem to need more attention (the pile of laundry in my basement). How do you balance your life and make these life balancing decisions? Bless me with your insight, your thoughts. How do you do it?

I Promise To...

On Monday, Dana and I celebrated our 7th Wedding Anniversary (and eleven years together). I thought long and hard about what I wanted to get Dana as a wedding gift. With little to no money in our bank account (mostly no money), and the day approaching fast, I was a little stumped. But then I started thinking about my vows to him that I said seven years ago, and it was so simple.

"I promise to encourage you in the man you are and want to become."

Dana and I got married when we were still fairly young and I purposely put that vow in there knowing that as we "grew-up" we would change. Our values may change slightly, but most certainly our dreams would change as we grow into the adults we wanted to be. Dana proved that over the last three years as he has dug deeper into his faith and searched for purpose in his life. For those of you who knew Dana when he was younger, you would definitely see a change. I remember when we first started dating, he was a skater from the coast that drove an 80's Regal pimped out with hydrolics. We would cruz Summerland Main Street pumping those babies.... ok, well Dana cruised, I cowered. I would sink so far into the passenger seat I would feel at one with the floor. But his smile beamed, he was full of ambition, and had this amazing heart for people. How could I not fall in love?

Dana has gone through several "dreams" since we have been together. From being a skate board manufacturer, a car salesman, and to his current occupation as an electrician. Diverse, eh? That's my man. He has this thirst for knowledge and experience that I truly admire. He is the only one I know that can head a manual on how to rebuild an engine and then do it. But, I am loosing track here, let's get to the point.

Since moving to the prairies, I have seen a light turn on in Dana that truly glows. He is hungry. Hungry for knowledge, for perspective, for the Lord. He has been feeling this inner conflict lately that has him a little dis trot. I truly believe since moving back here, God has been teaching us abundant messages. Many to lead us up to...... service. Serving the Kingdom of God, serving people, serving with love. So when my idea came in my head for his anniversary gift, I was both super excited and scared.

The gift: A Day in the Life of a Student at Briercrest College and Seminary

We headed out for the day, to talk to academic advisers, financial aid advisers, sat in on a class, ate in the cafeteria, toured the facilities, and even looked at the housing offered to young families. We talked to professors, students, and alumni. We talked about academic requirements concerned that Dana may have to take some upgrading courses, but we were assured that his GED is enough and then the pr rep said, "Actually home-schooled students tend to excel and have a strong work ethic as they have been doing their whole lives." (That one's for you Carleen for raising and teaching such an incredibly smart man and giving him this advantage) Every time I looked at Dana he looked elated. Truly he was glowing. And truthfully so was I. I could see our family melding into the community out there, I could see Dana excelling academically, I could see our kids making friends easily. We left feeling high on possibility. Of course, I was thinking this years down the road when Dana is done is journeyman's ticket, but one never knows what God has in store.

I am so proud of Dana, the man he was, the man he is, and the man he is growing to be. I can't believe that in a few years time, Dana will possibly be working towards a degree or even his masters! My cup has runneth over with love him and the God that created him.

"I promise to encourage you in the man you are and want to become."

And here we go...