Ava Lily Stays Up

Sometimes I swear our little girl stays up at night just so she can have some one on one time with her mom and dad, especially her dad. Last night after Kynan was asleep, she started singing in her crib, so I went to go get her bottle and put her back to sleep. However, when I walked into her room she was sitting up and laughing, no way she is going to bed right now. I brought her into the living room and let her play at our feet while we watched a movie (check out Fridays for reviews). She crawled around playing with various things and then, when things got too quiet, I looked down to see where she was. On the other side of the coffee table, I saw these two little eyes (and nothing else) watching us. I wish I had a picture because it was SO funny. Her two little eyes darted between Dana and I and you could tell that she was smiling. She continued to play and half way through our movie Dana got all gourmet and decided to make some pasta. He cooked up a huge dish, delicious. He gave Ava some plain pasta while we ate the fancy stuff. We pulled Ava's high chair into the living room and continued watching our movie. Not too much longer after, Ava started to skwak. She was reaching for my bowl. I have her a noodle with sauce on it and she gobbled it down. She had a whole tray of plain noodles, but she wanted the good stuff. I sat her on my lap while Dana lovingly fed her his pasta. She loved, often smiling and laughing between bites. She didn't get to bed until 10pm, but we had so much fun with her when she stays up.

Yesterday I Cried

Yesterday,, Dana and I decided to take some well needed time for ourselves, hired a babysitter, and went on a date. We used one of the gift certificates we got for Christmas (I love food gc's) and went for dinner at a local resturant, Bacados. It was very yummy. I have been trying to watch my diet by eating no chocolate, nothing caffeniated, and absolutely no dairy (I always pay for it later). So far I have been doing pretty good. I had salmon with rice and steamed veggies, with water to drink. I even skipped dessert and for those of you who know me, know that that is a HUGE deal. Anyways, Dana recommended a movie after and we usually always go to an action one as we find those are the most worth while to see in the theatre, but yesterday Dana was feeling generous and decided to take me to Hilary Swank's new movie "PS. I Love You". It was a touching story about a woman who lost her Irish husband to a brain tumor, how she grieves and eventually falls in love again. There were several points where I was balling, the scene where she was packing up all his stuff, the scene where she remembers the first time they met, the kareoke scene.... actually I think there were tears in my eyes for most of the movie. I even looked over to Dana to see a few tears periodically. I think the reason why it affected me so much is that it put things into perspective. Our little fights, the little ways I disrepect Dana, the little things that I make into big things, just everything. I walked away from that movie not wanting to let go of this man I love in fear that one day I may have to live without him. How would I even breath without him? Is that even possible? Needless to say I was pretty emotional, and feeling very 'in love' with Dana for the rest of the night. I love movies like that, that make us feel. Make us grow. Make us laugh or cry. Think about our existance. Brings humanity back into our lives. I asked Dana what he thought of the movie, thinking that he would be sharing these whimsical feelings I am having. I looked at him and there were some tears rolling down his cheek. Me, thinking he was thinking how precious I was to him, reached over and brushed them away. He looked at me and said, "It made me think of my mom, and I really miss her." ...... Urrrrrccccch! What??? Your mother???? Now, don't get me wrong, I think it is very sweet that he admitted this because the last few months has been really hard on him and I think he has been denying himself how much he misses his mom and so it is good that he is finally verbalizing it. And I am sure when Carleen reads this she will cry too and feel touched to know this (and also know that it has been hard on everyone), but I have to admit I was feeling a little 'jipped'! Here I was, having all these whimsical thoughts about Dana and he wasn't even thinking of me. But, again, that is life. Unpredictable. Everyone reads movies, experiences, differently. And every emotion prevoked is valid. We spent the entire drive home talking about what we missed about 'home' and why. It has actually been discussed even since then what our goals are. Anyway, points I wanted to convey" 1. Good Movie 2. We miss family 3. Love movies that make us pervoke emotion.

In other big news, Ava is crawling!!!! Army crawling, but crawling no less. And she is motoring. I guess I have to keep the carpet clean as she is picking little crumbs up everywhere (and I thought I was a good housekeeper), but it is amazing what babies can find on a perfectly spotless floor. So yay Ava!!!

Ava Lily Flowers

As Ava approaches her 8th month (holy crap!) I can't help, but reflect over the last 7. It has been a whirl wind. Her birth being very 'late' and within a few weeks we were packing up to move half way across the country (yikes!). Then immediately arriving at our new home starting renovations. It has been like starting a whole new life with her and our family. Because so much was happening when she was really little, I can't help, but feel like I missed so many snuggles and cherishing her babiness. But things quickly changed once we got into a routine and settled. It seems like she was always smiling. Ava has this smile that lights up a room. She gives you this look and then usually smiles so big and barries her head into your shoulder. She doesn't laugh as much as she smiles, but when she does you're a little surprised. Looking at her you would think she has this little girly giggle, but she is more of a boisterous laughter. It's rather funny. Lately, she has learned to click her tongue so she is always clicking away. She also loves playing peek-a-boo. She'll hold a blanket over her head and when you say 'where's Ava?' she'll quickly put the blanket down and giggle. She also loves 'grrrr'ing. She will 'grrr' with Kynan for hours (well, at least 5 minutes ;). Kynan loves singing to Ava and she has been trying to sing along. It is hilarious listening to the two of them 'sing'. She is almost crawling. She gets up on all 4's, rocks back and forth, and then lunges forward. After that though, she gives up and just rolls to where she wants to go. And as far as food, it seems like she has a bit of my genes as she loves to eat. Yesterday we went out for dinner as a family, and she sat there the entire time and just ate whatever we put in front of her. But when she is done, she is DONE. And you can't get her home quick enough. Her sleeping has improved leaps and bounds. She use to never sleep. I think she would sleep for maybe 4 hours at night and only nap once during the day. And I have to say, I was definitely looking 'weary'. But lately she has only been getting up once or twice and sleeping until 9am unless she is woken up. I am taking advantage. She is such a joy and I love her so incredibly much. Lately, she has been so cuddly too. And for those of you who know Ava know that that is a rarity. So every chance I get I cuddle her. She was really sick one day last week and wouldn't sleep or be put down. I held her for the entire day. It was heaven.

Signs of Christmas

Dana's Christmas Lights that he worked so hard on.

We both realised these were the first Christmas lights that Dana put up all by himself.

Oh Christmas Tree!

Starlight, Starbright

Dana's 1st Christmas Decoration. Note the year.

Kynan's 1st Christmas ornament (haven't found the 'perfect' one for Ava yet)

An ugly 'Dana childhood' ornament that makes it onto our tree every year.

It just isn't Christmas without it.

Kynan's favorite ornament on our tree. He is always taking it off and hiding it somewhere.

Don't ask me why we have a 'boot' ornament. Only Carleen knows.

The advent calendar. An elf leaves a note or a gift every night until Christmas eve. Kynan loves it and every morning says Santa has been here.

You are Welcome!

It just isn't Christmas without the unused decorative wax candles.

Nativity

Now some photos for good measure.... my new mural.

Ava's front tooth

A hunk of banana. Clearly not a favorite.

But loves those peas.

'Hand off my peas'

She is 6 months!

I know I post alot about how fast Ava is growing, but it was 6 months yesterday and her babyhood thus far seems to be chasing by. In my mind, only yesterday I was on my balcony in Summerland saying a little prayer to the stars that this little bambino would hurry up and come. Little did I know that she was on her way. I was so excited to be experiencing birth naturally and with every contraction I got more and more excited. It was no where near as painful as Kynan, but equally magical. I still remember Carleen asking us if we wanted to know what it was. We were just so happy that she was here, we forgot to ask what the sex was. When she said it was a girl, I think I heard the angels sing. I had her in my arms. My beautiful Lily. Time chased away from that moments on and now she is singing her song in her exersaucer, laughing at Kynan and sucking her gums (her new trick). She fills my heart with joy everyday. I know that there is greatness in her. Some superior reason why she is here. I love her so incredibly much. It's hard to believe that I was scared I wouldn't love her as much as I love Kynan. Somehow your heart grows. Happy 6 month, Ava Lily. You are a great blessing.

Ava's Photo Shoot

Ava has this certain sweetness about her that takes my breathe away. As people lovingly adore her, she bats her beautiful lashes at them. She is calm admist the chaos and is always adoringly looking up to her brother. These photographs do not even capture a fraction of how utterly beautiful she is.

Happy Halloween

There was this house 3 doors down from us that had an amazing display. There were hidden people throughout the yard scaring the kids and then inside they created like a haunted house. It was in the paper here, and Kynan spent like 20 minutes checking it out. This picture sucks, but I didn't have my tripod.


Kynan's loot. Dana had a prep talk with Kynan in the morning telling him to be sure to have a nap because they are running all night. They went all around our neighbourhood and I am sure Dana would have gone to more houses, but the dragon got tired.

Dana created this pumpkin for Kynan. Can you tell what it is?.........Scooby Doo.

I started going to the MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group through my church and yesterday they had a Halloween extravanganza. It was lots of fun. This is Kynan's new buddy, Isaiah.

The kids of the group with a few moms intermitten to keep the peace.

The gang before heading out. Ava was a mermaid. Kynan was a dragon/ dinosaur. And yay! No snow.

The Clan after carving pumpkins.


Kynan's was Scooby Doo's, Ava's the small white one. Dana is the 'Nightmare Before CHristmas' one, and mine is the big and plump one. Kynan kept trying to eat my pumpkins carrot nose. I finally had to get him some carrots and dip.

This is one of many photos. Kynan was in the mood to pose for pictures.

Ava's teething, can you tell?

Ava so proud of her pumpkin.

Pumpkin goop.

Kynan cleaning his pumpkin. I love Dana's face!

The Response

In response to Amanda's blog. I have to say Amanda I felt a little kindred to you today as I read your blog as I feel the exact same way. As I tried to tackle our basement today, the pit as it has been affectionally named, I got more frustrated with every box I moved for the umteenth billionth time, with every piece of rooting or dried food I picked up, every broken toy, dirty laundry........... not to mention the saw dust and drywall that has been yet to be thrown away or vaccumed up since we added (or somewhat added) another room to our basement. I have been working for 3 hours and now their our little piles all over the basement. Garbage. Recycling. Toys to go upstairs. Totes to go in the shed. Things to be sold online. I told Dana that if he doesn't come home and immediately put the piles to their designated areas, he will be grounded. Yes, I told my husband grounded. No hockey for a week. I'm a big meany, but I am at the end of my rope. So Amanda, in response to your blog. We all have 'pits' or 'dungeons' in our lives......... try grounding your husband. LOL.

In other news, Ava cut her first tooth. We discovered it on Wednesday morning after a rather hellish night before. I am so proud of her. She is very cranky today too... maybe another one is one its way.

Not that long ago...

my little angel was a tiny little being in my arms. So peaceful, sleeping, no worries... It's hard to believe that she now looks like this.....




In only 5 months! i can't imagine looking back on her life on her 21st birthday. I will be 45 years old. Yikes.

Ava turned 5 months on Friday. The time seems to be going by to fast. I wish I could slow down our moments together. Especially when she wants to cuddle. I wish I could freeze everything else in those moments and just enjoy your existence. She is incredible. A miracle. My sweet angel baby.

Beyond Cute

This will be a completely random post all about my kids....

The other day we were over at Abby's house and Dana walked in on the kids 'playing doctor'. Kynan was lying on the bed and Abby had stethascope in hand. Apparently Abby is going to be a doctor when she grows up. I love the innocents of children, but when they are about 8 no more playing in each other rooms! LOL.

Kynan has also got into singing lately and he picks up songs really fast. He learned 'You are my Sunshine' after about 5 run throughs. And sings it all the time to Ava. He also knows his alphabet by heart, probably because I sing it to him when we nurse. He knows a few other songs too and is always asking us to sing to him now. Especially at bed time, twinkle twinkle.

Ava is gurgling now.... seriously. It sounds like she has mouthwash and is about to spit. It sounds so funny. And she gets louder if you don't acknowledge her. She is developing such a strong voice. I already have a feeling that she is going to be very independant and vocal.

I also think Ava will be crawling soon. Maybe this is pre-mature, but she tries she just doesn't know how to coordinate herself yet, but she definately has the strength.

That's about all that is new with my darlings, as for me, I am feeling so much better already. I have been making a conscious effort to feel good. Whenever I feel myself slipping into a hole, I affirm myself and say 'Today is a good day' and then stop what I am doing and take a few moments for myself. It seems to be working. It's amazing the power of mind.

Anyway, that is my update. Have a happy day.

Honesty .... A New Page

This post is going to be a little random, finally with some pictures, and honest. Well, I thought I would turn a new page and title this post honesty because I am going to reveal to everyone how I have been really feeling mostly because it's theraputic, but also I want people to know me for me. Not who I want them to percieve me as. Thank you readers for all of your words of encouragement on the last post. I really needed it, to be honest. The last few weeks, maybe months, have not been my greatest.


Let's start with how I have been feeling. Because it's a bit of a downer and I want to end on a positive note. I have been, I believe, suffering from delayed post partum. I don't care if you disagree, but this is what I am chopping it up to. I haven't felt like myself 80% of the time. I have really bad mood swings. One minute I am laughing and enjoying whatever I am doing and the next all I want to do is go to bed or let the rage out (ie: yelling). I have had crashing headaches which I normally don't get, and I have been very tired.... not just I have a baby tired, but oddly tired and unmotivated. I get frustrated at little things lately. Something like doing the dishes becomes a huge chore and I get mad... almost furious. That's the downer.



But the positive thing is that I have an incredible husband that seems to hold me together even when I am in pieces. He totally puts up with my tantrums, and holds me for the crying and apologizing afterwards. He makes the happy times that much more sweeter and when he is around, my moods stay positive longer. I will admit that I have been very hard on him since we've moved to Regina. Expecting alot from him. I know he feels torn and that sometimes he can't do the right thing, but mostly it is just me deflecting on to him. SO if you read this Dana, I love you so much, I appreciate you beyond what you will ever know and thank you so much for sticking with me.





I also have a tremendous family that has been pouring on the love lately, and I have to say that I really really am thankful for them. SOmetimes I call my mom 3 times a day, a little sad, but sometimes I just need to hear her voice. She is never busy to listen, even if it is just about laundry or the other nothings we talk about. My brother Greg has been calling religiously just to keep in touch. I use to find it a little awkward talking to him just because I use to feel like we didn't have a lot in common, but now I look forward to our phone calls so much and love just talking him. I know this sounds ridiculous, but I look forward to reading Kaili's comments. She is always so full of wisdom. Carleen has been sending the kids post cards letting them know she is thinking about them and just sent us a Halloween care package. Carleen, I ate that chocolate bar so fast your head would spin. Really, my entire family has pulled together to really help me through this difficult time so thank you so much. Life is so much sweeter knowing I have such an amazing family.





And of course my friends, blogger buddies, facebook pals, and long time connections- all seem to lately pooling together to show their support. I have been blinded lately to how fortunate I am, but my eyes are open and thank you so much for making me feel supported and blessed. And thank you for not judging me because in all honesty, I think it would have pitted me over the deep end. I am already being very hard on myself.

As for my action plan, I hope that through some counselling... yes counselling and a little bit of Susie time I will get through this. And I know I will get through this because I am strong person.

As for being a bad mom. I have my moments and I don't do everything I should, but I also have moments when I shine as these photos show. I love my kids more than life itself and they have given me my purpose. I was talking to my mom yesterday on the phone, crying because I always thought that my life had this great purpose intended for it. That sounds a little egotistical, but that's truly how I feel and how I still feel. But maybe I am looking at it all wrong. Maybe my great purpose is my children and role as a wife. And through the love that I share with them, they will go on to do greatness. Just a thought.

So thanks for reading my awefully long post and sticking with me through all the negativity. I hope to be a little bit more positive in posts to come, but no promises. After all we all need to vent from time to time.