Tuesday, July 12, 2011


One thing I have really enjoyed about living in Caronport, is the sudden repreive I have from all my commitments. We have nothing on our calendar except a few visits from family and to go see some friends. That's it! No where to run off to. Nothing I HAVE to do. Our days are so relaxed and the kids are seeming to enjoy this break in schedule. Our days usually consist of getting up, eating breakfast, playing outside, having picnic lunches, reading in the afternoon's, enjoying the garden, going for walks to the corner store, friends, enjoyment.....peace. I mean, there are some crazy days like today where I wake up to everything out of the cupboards and on my living room floor because I slept 10 minutes longer than I should have and the kids thought they would feed themselves. Or the black marker that is on my computer screen because I though Elijah was playing with Ava in her room when I was doing a load of laundry. I thought wrong obviously. I am hoping by confessing this, I am not thought of as a bad mother, but rather an imperfect mother who is doing her best to live in the moment and rejoice in the day we are given. Moving is always an adjustment. New friendships take time to form. There is always the beginning awkwardness that takes time to fade away. It's exhausting starting from scratch and to continually put yourself out there and be vulnerable to what people may think of you or perceive you. But isn't it worth it, considering what you might gain? That person may be that long lost friend that will end up being a life time friend. Or maybe they will impart wisdom or speak truth into your life? Maybe they will give a much needed wake up call and replant your path in life? Who knows, right? In talking to a new (possibly great) friend last week, I realized that I am an "all in" kind of person. Right out of the gate, I throw in all my chips, I open up, and I hope that I connect. I wear everything on my sleeve. My emotions, my past, my thoughts, my passions, EVERYTHING. I also tend to be a little uncensored because of this. Which sometimes people consider it a fault that I say the wrong thing, or share too much, but I choose to believe that this makes me human and imperfect. Someone who is yurning to improve and grow and gain wisdom, but recognizes that I am weak and insecure and possibly naive. I love how moving out here as put all this in perspective for me and allowed me to truly embrace... me. I feel free to be who I am and what I want to be, without fear of judgement or being cast out. Cast out from where? I haven't even been 'cast in' yet. So there is this sense of freedom here. Peace.